Author: Chelsea (Page 60 of 111)

BOOK REVIEW: Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas

BOOK REVIEW: Dangerous Girls by Abigail HaasDangerous Girls by Abigail Haas
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

It's Spring Break of senior year. Anna, her boyfriend Tate, her best friend Elise, and a few other close friends are off to a debaucherous trip to Aruba that promises to be the time of their lives. But when Elise is found brutally murdered, Anna finds herself trapped in a country not her own, fighting against vile and contemptuous accusations.

As Anna sets out to find her friend's killer; she discovers hard truths about her friendships, the slippery nature of truth, and the ache of young love.

As she awaits the judge's decree, it becomes clear that everyone around her thinks she is not just guilty, but dangerous. When the truth comes out, it is more shocking than one could ever imagine...

One moment. One picture. One glimpse-that’s all it takes to make someone think they know the truth.

Yikes. So. I kind of hated this book. But….I really liked it, too. I needed something drastic, a shock to my system. I am on a major book high after I finished the Jasper Dent series. It’s not often that books put me so out of commission that everything afterwards becomes a heaping pile of poo, in my eyes. So, yeah, I had to read something dark, something so sinister that I couldn’t possibly start fantasizing about my lovely, flawed Jazz. But, when I signed on here, I knew I might not wholly enjoy the experience. That I might find characters that were so beyond flawed that it borders on a depressing line that I wasn’t ready to cross (I do so love a good flawed character these days, but woo buddy these were some fucked up characters). That I may be disturbed by the events leading up to the crime. I was 100% right.

I’m not guna lie. I knew who did it. I knew who the killer was. I can’t talk about why or how or what prompted the murder-you have to read it for yourself. It’s not easy to guess who it is and you’ll likely be floundering up until the final moment on whodunnit.

Wouldn’t we all look guilty, if someone searched hard enough?

The story is constructed in such a manner that you’re never bored. You never find yourself wanting to put it down. Each new page unravels another part of this intricately woven story and you start to speculate, to wonder, to explore any and all options. It fluctuates between present day (her trial), ‘before’ (the vacation where it all happened), and the past (high school where she, Elise, Tate, and the other girls all met). We get to see all aspects of the story in every perspective possible, but it doesn’t quite give you the full answer. I won’t lie and say I think this is a fantastic, wonderfully put together novel. I mean, it is! But, I can’t say I loved the format. I also can’t say I hated it. *Note: Please realize I have this under my ‘blur rating’ shelf* I think I just thought….well, I thought there’d be more from the vacation? Maybe that it would show the story leading up to the murder, all in one consecutive piece? But it didn’t. And now I understand why it didn’t, but it doesn’t change the fact that I thought this was a ‘real time’ story. Which is likely my own fault and hang up lol.

Would it have made a difference if I had cried?

Sporadically changing between the trial, when she met her friends, and during the vacay, we begin to see hard truths and ugly betrayals unfold. I think this is where my heart began to hurt. I am such a cliche person, in the fact that, unless it’s a Courntey Summers novel, I don’t much like ‘dark’ books. I mean, I love harsher stories now, whereas I didn’t before. But I need that silver lining, you know?? I am the epitome of the HEA dream. I crave it. I need it….but then again, I really don’t-not always. I just need characters to root for, that I care for, that I can obsess over. And, while I did root for our main character’s freedom and innocence, there wasn’t really anyone else to care about. I snarled at the screen when something would go wrong with her trial, when someone would alter the events that clearly they were glossing over, but, in the end, only having one character to ‘late’ (I didn’t love/like her but I also didn’t hate her….it was a mix) didn’t really do it for me as a whole.

I stare in the mirror, and remind myself: I’m here, I exist.
I’ll be okay.

My rating stems from three things-

The writing. It was great, compelling, kept me on the edge of my seat and flowed without ever being blunt or shortened for effect. I liked that…That sounds specific, but when writing flows, it flows. I don’t know that many stories constructed as such could be considered as ‘fluid’ as this one.

The end. I simply loved it. Want to see my absolute favorite quote/moment/revelation? It’s essentially a spoiler, so look at your own risk. If you’ve read it, you’ll know who said it. If you haven’t? Well, it’ll be your fault for looking. View Spoiler » Chills. Just many many chills.

The simplicity and gripping nature of the novel. The need to know more, even if it wasn’t the format I’d have liked.

So…that’s it.I hope I did a good job of expressing not only my concerns and issues, but also of letting everyone know that the story is strong and altogether gripping-even if you don’t like it, you’ll likely still make it to the end in record time….that’s just a hunch. After I finished, it was 2 AM and the house was dark- I needed to let my dog out in the back yard and found myself *not so discreetly* peering outside the back door, lest someone stab me repeatedly because I wasn’t aware. Don’t worry, my Pomeranian would have kicked their ass. I needn’t have worried.


How much do you love me?

BOOK REVIEW: Blood of My Blood (Jasper Dent #3) by Barry Lyga

BOOK REVIEW: Blood of My Blood (Jasper Dent #3) by Barry LygaBlood of My Blood (Jasper Dent #3)
by Barry Lyga
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

Jazz Dent has never been closer to catching his father.

Jazz has been shot and left to die in New York. His girlfriend, Connie, is in the clutches of Jazz's monstrous father, Billy--the world's most notorious serial killer. And his best friend, Howie, is bleeding to death on the floor of Jazz's new home.

Somehow, these three must rise above the horrors and find a way to come together in pursuit of Billy.

But then Jazz crosses a line he's never crossed before, and soon the entire country is wondering: "Like father, like son? Who is the true monster?"

From New York City to the small town of Lobo's Nod, the chase is on, and this time, Jazz is the hunted, not the hunter--while Billy Dent lurks in the shadows.

And beyond Billy? Something much, much worse. Prepare to meet...the Crow King.

From acclaimed author Barry Lyga comes the shocking conclusion to the bestselling I Hunt Killer trilogy.

He [Howie] held out his hands, arms outstretched, ready for the bro hug that would come. 
Instead, Jazz laughed.
The laughter was quick, unexpected, and bright. Jazz dropped the pickax and shovel with an ill-considered clang and leaned against the car as he caught his breath.
Oh, holy hell. He’s lost it. He’s seriously lost it.
“You okay?” he asked as Jazz stooped to pick up the tools.
“I’ve never been okay,” Jazz told him, and walked away.

Holyyy shit…that was a lot of epic in one book. I’m just….at a loss for words. The beginning started out with a bang, and that, I knew, was a certainty going in. But after all the cleaning up that had to be done after that shot in the chest that can only be described as a ‘white-knuckle cliffy’ at the end of the previous installment, I started to get nervous. After all the amazing-I repeat-AMAZING peril from book two, I didn’t see how, even as dire as the circumstances were through the whole novel, this book could be near as good as the last book. But, oh…dear….sweet….Jesus this mother fuckin’ book was everything I could ask for and more. HOLY SHIT I am just astounded by the awesomeness that was this story!!! What and how and why and who and blah blah blah how did he make up this story????? The epicness that jumps off of every page makes a ridiculous fangirl out of me, and for once I just don’t care! I love this book so much it hurts.

What would come next wasn’t a matter of intellect or reason or even mere emotion. It was as basic as biology. It was blood and sinew and brain matter. Raw.

I am so emotionally spent. This series reached deep into my heart, my mind, my soul and pulled out all the things that make up a perfect novel to me. There wasn’t one moment I wasn’t on the edge of my seat. Not one page passed where I didn’t fret over the mental state of Jazz’s mind. I still laughed and I still obsessed, but it was a different kind of obsession. In the previous works, I was fully invested in the crimes-who the killer was, what they were playing at, if Jazz would find the murderer(s) before it was too late, and, most of all, if they’d finally catch up to Jazz as he closed in on their string of killings. Jazz is, was, and forever will be my biggest concern. Always. So, naturally, wouldn’t my obsession grow, expand, adapt when the nature of the story became about Jazz’s sanity, mind, soul, his search for redemption and, most of all, to end Billy Dent’s reign of terror? Of course it would! DUH.

What is like to go looking for your soul, only to learn you never had one to begin with?

Like I’ve said before, this series is character driven-if you don’t connect or care for Jasper, then you likely won’t find much to enjoy about this series. I mean, yeah, there’s the idea that a killer is within grasp at any waking moment and there’s also his palpable love for his girlfriend, Connie, and the strong, everlasting friendship with his best buddy, Howie. Who, by the way, became a favorite character of mine-his loyalty and devotion for his best friend who was slowly losing his mind in his quest to end Billy Dent broke my heart and made reading his POV something I actually looked forward to. But if you don’t at least like Jazz a little, you’re wasting your time. But How dare you, if that becomes the case-ugh, I can’t even imagine a world where people don’t love Jazz. Inconceivable.


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Just sayin’.

“So, now what?”
“Can’t tell you.”
“You wound me.”
“Well, you wound easily.”

-Lmao, Howie and Jazz

Malice, death, truths, lies, betrayals, they go hand in hand with one another. Jasper is about to learn the true identity of the crow king. So many possibilities, so much speculation, but only one possible outcome that can rock you to your core and make both your eyes and stomach bleed. The truth will rip your heart to shreds and make you question, like the main detective in this book, what kind of world we live in. And, let me tell you, the truth isn’t even the part that will make you choke on your own shock-no, what comes after? That’s gut check time.

He dropped to his knees, gasping for breath. Was this shock? Was he going into shock? He couldn’t breathe, and his vision had gone blurry.

This book explored not only a deeper side to Jazz, but also the cold, hard truth of what happens when you are done and your body has finally gone on auto-pilot. Shut down. Went into preservation mode. We watch as Howie and Connie do everything they can, which isn’t much, as Jazz slowly descends into madness and let’s his dark side he’s always fought take over. He becomes detached, cold, driven in his desperation to end his father’s life, because he believes it’s his job-it’s his duty and his duty alone-it’s always been him. Father vs. Son. Mano y Mano. Wit, cunning, and all that crazy Billy has taught Jazz as he grew up. But what happens if he succeeds? If he finally lets all the lessons he learned take over when he’s fought them so desperately his whole life? Will that be it? Will he be fulfilled, at peace, able to move on with his life like a normal human being? Or will he slowly become Billy Dent’s successor, the next notorious serial killer….just like Dear old Dad wanted?


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“I think I’ve had enough of your kind of love,” Jazz said, surprising himself that he clenched his jaw tight, tears gathering. “You…you abused me,” he spluttered. “You did horrible things to me. You made me-“

This story explored deep emotional levels I didn’t know it possessed. I had no idea that I would think the last two (MURDEROUS) books would be tame, fluffy, funny, light-hearted compared to this one. But I clearly knew nothing. I will push and push and push people to read this series until I’ve annoyed them beyond comprehension. For that, I’m sorry. But, also, like Jazz, only a little sorry-this series is too good to go unnoticed by so many of my friends-but I’m about to shake everyone up. I will get people to read this. That’s your only warning. Anna, you lovely lovely French vixen-THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS WONDERFULLY HORRIBLE AND ADDICTIVE AND PERILISTIC series. I wear this badge with honor. I will NEVER EVER EVER forget Jazz or this series. Holy book hangover hell, here I come.


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Killers hunt me.

 

BOOK REVIEW: Game (Jasper Dent #2) by Barry Lyga

BOOK REVIEW: Game (Jasper Dent #2) by Barry LygaGame (Jasper Dent #2)
by Barry Lyga
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

Billy grinned. "Oh, New York," he whispered. "We're gonna have so much fun."

I Hunt Killers introduced the world to Jazz, the son of history's most infamous serial killer, Billy Dent.

In an effort to prove murder didn't run in the family, Jazz teamed with the police in the small town of Lobo's Nod to solve a deadly case. And now, when a determined New York City detective comes knocking on Jazz's door asking for help, he can't say no. The Hat-Dog Killer has the Big Apple--and its police force--running scared. So Jazz and his girlfriend, Connie, hop on a plane to the big city and get swept up in a killer's murderous game.

Both the stakes and the body count are higher in this suspenseful and unstoppable sequel from acclaimed author Barry Lyga.

 

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He wondered: When next he saw his father, would he be thrilled or terrified?

Hmm hmm hmmmmm. What a wonderfully demented series. Not often do I pick up thriller books and find such satisfaction. It isn’t merely the characters, though, that’s about 80% of it, and it isn’t wholly the mysteries. I think my love for this series stems from the humor that seeps off of every page. Jazz wouldn’t be Jazz without his snarky, asshole-ish attitude I’ve come to love so deeply, and I don’t think I’d enjoy Jazz’s inner voice that channels Billy-isms (I do love it, albeit begrudgingly) without the laugh-factor, either. Mix all that humor, Jazz’s completely deranged mind, serial killers that don’t care who they take out to achieve their ultimate goal, friends (and girlfriend) who start to find themselves wrapped up in the killing game as well, and what do you have??? One helluva story.

“So I get to help out during the Bad Hours. Great. Should have let the Impressionist kill you,” Howie grumbled.
“He wasn’t going to kill me.”
“That’s just because he didn’t really, really know you.”

Man oh MAAAAAN did this story end in a crazy place. Imagine literally the worst case scenario….and multiply it by ten, lol. Being a seasoned perilista, I didn’t know what to expect-my friend, who knows my unhinged mind very well, said I would love the end and all of book three…almost as if these scenes and most of the third book were made for me. And I thought, hmm, okay, I guess we’ll see then. Everyone has a different trigger point, a different idea of what scary is, what humor is, what danger is, so it’s all fairly subjective, if you think about it. I almost always hear (or rather, see) people say ‘OMGAH THAT ENDING’ or “OMG I NEED THE NEXT BOOK NOOOOOW’ or ‘EVIL CLIFFHANGER’. You know the reviews, you’ve likely seen them for your future reads. Well, unlike most sane people, I love when I see those headlines-what’s better than getting your heart pumping at the end of your favorite books?? If you don’t get intense feels, what’s the point? Not many people agree about wanting things to go to Hell in a handbasket, but it’s one of my favorite things about books. *shrugs* That’s just me. But, my point is, more often than not, people are overreacting. Most endings aren’t that bad, and I can’t help but to feel a tad disappointed each time I get my hopes up. But, and trust me on this, if you read this book….The end will not let you down. Believe me.

Inwardly, Jazz bristled, but he didn’t let Morales see it. His past was his. It was fractured and weird and a typhoon of emotions and fragments of memories, but it was his and his alone.

Wow. I’m still reeling after finishing last night. My (book) adrenaline was on high and I couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning and desperate for more. That’s what makes a good series. The first book is great-Yeah, awesome. But when book two makes it impossible for you to put down?? That’s a fuckin’ win. I am almost always annoyed by book two in a series, but this series doesn’t fall into that curse. Book two not only kept me up late into the night reading, it intensified my thirst and longing for the third installment. Instead of being weary about what’s to come and how the author could possibly fuck up probably one of my (only) favorite thriller series thus far into my life, I know, without a doubt, the third book will be fantastic.

What was lurking back there in the cold, dark recesses of his memory? What secrets were hidden in his past? Jazz felt as though his own life was a minefield, one he’d lost the map for. One wrong step and he’d lose a foot or a leg.
Or his mind.

Jazz. Jasper. Jasper Dent. The elusive serial killer’s son. Billy Dent Jr.. There are literally no words to describe how obsessed with him I am (see picture above). He’s raw. He’s unsure of himself. He’s loyal. He’s tormented. He loves deeply. He’s devoted to clearing his name. And….he’s a manipulative little shit. I love love loooooove him. Being in his mind is like walking on shards of glass. He never knows if he’s doing something because he’s inherently good, or if he simply wants people to believe he’s good. He helps hunt killers, he protects those around him…but to what end?? What if he snaps? What if he’s just sitting around with the girl he loves or his best friend in the whole world…and he decides to go Billy on their asses? What then?

“I’m sorry. I really am.” Nah, Billy whispered, you ain’t sorry. You just know sayin’ it gets you what you want.
Jazz shook Billy away. He was sorry.
He was, like, 99 percent sure he was really sorry.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he said. “I’ll apologize to your dad right now.”
Maybe 98 percent.

Jasper doubts himself on the deepest levels and I truly enjoy watching his internal struggle. He wants so badly to be good, to prove he’s more than his piece of shit dad, but it’s an uphill battle and he feels the only way he’ll ever know if he’s truly good is to kill the baddest of bad men himself-his dad.

Jazz stared at her father. Connie had never seen such a stare. He didn’t move; his expression didn’t change. It was something ethereal, something in his eyes, or in his soul. Something had shifted, and Connie suddenly realized that she’d been wrong before-her father wasn’t the hawk on the high branch.
Jazz was.

We follow him to NYC to try and stop the Hat-Dog killer (I SWEAR it’s not…like….something about killing dogs-I’d NEVER support a book where I had to read about animal slaughter as a main plot point), which he thinks is also one step closer to dear old Dad…and we see his journey to redeem himself unfolding before our eyes. I can’t say much more than what I’ve already said, so all I can do is encourage you to try this series. It’s gruesome. It can be sad. There is a lot in book one I didn’t want to have to read about…but it’s Jazz’s journey and I wouldn’t change it for the world. You have to read these books. If you like thrillers or tortured leads at all, you’ll likely love it. Just a thought.

“You think you’re gonna find your soul. Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been thinkin’ that someday you’re gonna crack and end up like your daddy. And you’ve been looking for proof that you won’t. What you don’t realize is this: The looking is the proof. Trust me when I tell you that Billy Dent never had a moment’s doubt in his life about what he was and what he was doing. Your doubt is your soul, kid.”

Book Review: I Hunt Killers (Jasper Dent #1) by Barry Lyga

Book Review: I Hunt Killers (Jasper Dent #1) by Barry LygaI Hunt Killers (Jasper Dent #1)
by Barry Lyga
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

What if the world's worst serial killer...was your dad?

Jasper "Jazz" Dent is a likable teenager. A charmer, one might say.

But he's also the son of the world's most infamous serial killer, and for Dear Old Dad, Take Your Son to Work Day was year-round. Jazz has witnessed crime scenes the way cops wish they could—from the criminal's point of view.

And now bodies are piling up in Lobo's Nod.

In an effort to clear his name, Jazz joins the police in a hunt for a new serial killer. But Jazz has a secret—could he be more like his father than anyone knows?

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Jazz was afraid of two things in the world, and two things only. One of them was that people thought that his upbringing meant that he was cursed by nature, nurture, and predestined to be a serial killer like his father. 
The second thing…was that they were right.

EEEEEEE! This made me immensely happy….in a super sick, masochistic way. Like, really?? Why have I never heard about this book before?? I’m not going to lie, I’m truly at a loss for words and I really don’t know what to say. There are certain books where I can’t seem to shut my mouth because I love them so much, and some books where I love them just as much but can’t seem to find the proper words to identify and characterize these feelings of overwhelming awesomeness.

It was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful field.
Except for the body.

What is it about this book that made me fall so deeply in love with it? I can’t help but think it’s because this book appeals to the crazy side of me I found when I was about a year into Goodreads-you know, when I decided to change my name to Chelsea Peril Please?? Yeah, this book fits into that category. That category where people are being abducted and murdered and our dear Jazz is using his knowledge from his childhood to figure out who might be next. But, wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Jazz is the child of a serial killer. Everyone knows Billy Dent….and they especially know his son, Jasper Dent. Poor little Jazz-he grew up in a home where he was expected to watch, learn, help with Billy’s victims, giving him a vast and extensive knowledge on how to successfully murder someone.

Jazz could read people. It wasn’t something he worked at; it was just as natural as breathing. It was as ordinary as reading a billboard on the highway: You don’t really think about the billboard; you just notice it and your brain processes it, and that’s that.

And here is why I loved this book so much-Jazz. What a beautiful, broken character. He was perfection. He is exactly the type of male lead I’ve been looking for, lately. He is traumatized (inwardly) by his past and what his father made him do. People look at him different because they don’t know why he didn’t stop him even if he knew it was wrong. They’re wondering if he’ll be next, if he’ll finally snap like dear old, Dad. And it takes a toll on him, naturally. He is tormented by his own fears that he is no different from his father, that he will one day snap and become an unstoppable killer with no remorse…because even though he isn’t his father and he doesn’t want to kill, he still gets excited by it. He gets drawn into the blood lust and art that is a serial killer’s MO, and it gets harder and harder to fight. What if he’s no different from his father??

God! Goddamn it! Goddamn Billy Dent and goddamn his son, too. Tears sprang to Jazz’s eyes. She was dying. Dying right in front of him, and he didn’t trust himself to help her because he didn’t trust his hands not to finish the job instead.
“Just do it!” he yelled to himself, his voice raw and bleak in the close quarters of the apartment. “Save her, you useless piece of-“

So, yeah. Tortured souls are what really draw me in. He desperately wants to be good, to do good, so he tries to help the police force along. This story was excellent. It was different. It was intriguing. It was beyond addicting. So what held back that final star, you ask?? Well…it’s as simple as time. I was dragged away from this story numerous times and I couldn’t seem to find more than 20 minute intervals where I could get some peace and quiet to read-and, I’ll admit it, the last hour I had to read with the tv on in the background because a certain someone just wouldn’t go to sleep but I couldn’t wait any longer….but it was still so good. I never once was happy I had to put it down and I thought about it when I wasn’t able to read it-so I think that more than made up for my disconnect from lack of reading time.

Who am I? I’ll tell you. I’m the local psychopath, and if you don’t save my best friend’s life, I will hunt down everyone you’ve ever cared about in your life and make you watch while I do things to them that will have you begging me to kill them. That’s who I am.”

The other thing?? his book had such a sinister feel to it. And all my best friends on here know I have this….history, where I find myself screaming in the middle of the night due to a recurring nightmare. It’s terrifying. And, for whatever reason, this book brought that dream back. So I was a little apprehensive about finishing-I mean, I knocked over a lamp and broke the bulb in the middle of the night…not exactly an ideal scenario nor does it make me seem like a sane person. Here, think of it like this: I (wake up?) open my eyes and see this…like…fuzzy, grainy image of someone standing beside the bed, but I can’t see their face. And then they slowly reach for me. Yeah. That’s it. But I always wake up and my throat is sore and I am on the other side of the bed, practically crawling over my hubbs to ‘get away.’


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(WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK-some of the gifs that came up when I was searching for an apt portrayal…yikes!!!! I mean, I didn’t even use the most accurate images because, I mean, wow. People are WEIRD.) Not a great example above, but I can’t use those creeptastic images.


People matter. People are real.

Weird as it may be, I think the idea that Jazz felt like someone was watching him got to me. And I haven’t been getting much sleep-I think those two elements combined got me at a weak moment. That is why I am waiting until next week to start book two-I want to be well-rested. But don’t think for a minute I’m happy about waiting….because you couldn’t be more wrong. I already miss Jazz. Sad face.

SRELLIK TNUH I

*******************************************************

Because my Anna Banana said Jazz is like Cassel


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BOOK REVIEW: Black Iris by Leah Raeder

BOOK REVIEW: Black Iris by Leah RaederBlack Iris by Leah Raeder
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

The next dark and sexy romantic suspense novel from the USA Todaybestselling author of Unteachable.

It only took one moment of weakness for Laney Keating’s world to fall apart. One stupid gesture for a hopeless crush. Then the rumors began. Slut, they called her. Queer. Psycho. Mentally ill, messed up, so messed up even her own mother decided she wasn't worth sticking around for.

If Laney could erase that whole year, she would. College is her chance to start with a clean slate.

She's not looking for new friends, but they find her: charming, handsome Armin, the only guy patient enough to work through her thorny defenses—and fiery, filterless Blythe, the bad girl and partner in crime who has thorns of her own.

But Laney knows nothing good ever lasts. When a ghost from her past resurfaces—the bully who broke her down completely—she decides it's time to live up to her own legend. And Armin and Blythe are going to help.

Which was the plan all along.

Because the rumors are true. Every single one. And Laney is going to show them just how true.

She's going to show them all.

**ARC provided by Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**

I am not the heroine of this story.

Wellllll….here we go. If anyone follows my reviews, even a little, they know I hardly ever rate below a three. Hell, I hardly rate a three. Even less frequently do I rate a book a one-I mean, like, twice….in the last two years. So, to say I am shocked at my visceral reaction to this story is an understatement. I expected, at worst, maybe some indifference.


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Maybe a little bit of dislike. But I never ever EVER expected to hate this story so much. I didn’t expect to hate this story at all. And I am so so so sooo sorry….but I loathed this book to the bottom of my soul.

I respect this author’s voice and her journey, but I just couldn’t respect the content of this particular work. Not because of the narrator’s choice of whom to love, but because of her actions and how she spoke.

I don’t smile. When I show teeth, it’s to bite.

How much better of a person are you, really, than those who wronged you if you seek revenge in the most vile ways possible? How are you being any better of a person? This is fiction, sure. I know that. But, the whole time, I felt dragged down, depressed and oh so heavy as I read each and every page. Everything the narrator did made me feel so full of sadness that it became this deep, guttural emotion that I couldn’t contain. I would snarl, I would glare, I became angrier and angrier…and felt heavier and heavier. I was in a swirling inferno of rage with each page that passed as I learned more about our ‘unreliable narrator.’

That’s the real poison, truth. Keep that shit inside and you’ll see. You’ll wither and die.

But the worst thing of all? As we were finding everything out, piece by piece, bit by bit, we were supposed to begin to identify with the main character (I think?), to feel for her, but the more I began to learn about Laney, the more I began to feel for the enemies. Yes, what they did was deplorable, unforgivable, but what she begins doing almost feels worse to me. I grew this deep rooted connection with the God damn villains, with the people I despised, if only because I couldn’t stand to see what this girl was doing to them…and herself.

Maybe the only person who could understand a villain was another villain.

In a lot of ways, well, about 90% of them, this story was about sexual discovery and being who you are. I respected that from page one. But, and this is where it gets very very difficult to explain without pissing people off, I did feel that it was the WHOLE story. Let me explain: In Unteachable, Raeder’s other hit novel, Maisie had SOME of the same problems as well, including sexual prowess. But, aside from not being ridiculed in front of the whole school like Laney was, Maisie’s voice didn’t center around sex. It wasn’t all she thought about. In this story, I felt like we were drowned in Laney’s sexual desires, which is okay, but that’s all I really felt there was, for a long while. And by the time we got to the meat, the unraveling of the mystery, I was mildly heavily disgusted with the main character’s actions. Not just sexually, but with everything. It wasn’t about boy or girl, or girl and girl, or girl boy girl, for me. It was that sex and drugs were constant, every page variables in this story, and that wasn’t necessarily what I signed up for. I knew there would be scenes I was uncomfortable with, but I didn’t know how deeply the character’s affliction or fascination was. I’m okay with erotic books, sometimes, but I wish I’d have known just how erotically charged the WHOLE story would be.

Strength is not in the body, it’s in the mind. It doesn’t lie in flexing your muscles and crushing those who oppose you. It lies in being the last one standing. By any means. At any cost.

The characters. I hate to admit it, but I’ve never disliked a main character so deeply in my whole life. I make it a job to love or respect the MC’s in a story because I picked up their book, this is their story. I even loved Jorg from The Broken Empire series and he was an evil little shit. The truth is, I never have disliked, or hated, in Laney’s case, an MC so strongly before, if at all. And I really really think that speaks volumes. I felt more obsession, savagery, and possessive jealousy than any love in this story, and that makes me so sad because I know so many others found that solace for this deeply controversial story.

Oh, and if this bothers you, even a little (not me, since I was warned)…
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Then I suggest you don’t read this story.

That’s not to say everything turned me off in this book. I have always really adored Raeder’s writing style. It’s very poetic and beautiful and you feel swept up in her words. When you pick up a Leah Raeder novel, you know the writing is going to blow you away. At times, only for this story, I did feel a little bombarded with the descriptions, overwhelmed even, but the writing was still beautiful and it really completed the voice that the author wanted to convey. I really do enjoy her writing and I loved her previous work, so I didn’t want to discount that.

The sky looked like layered sherbet, creamy peach melting into raspberry and blueberry, shading the world in soft, milky tones. The sun was an eye-smarting bead of white light trembling at the horizon.

Okay. Well. There you go. I’m the type of person who really doesn’t like to make waves and worries constantly about what people will think of me when I rate badly. But, there’s literally no nice way to say you disliked a book that you are rating one star. There’s no way to mince your words because that one star says it all in flashing neon lights: This story wasn’t for me. No matter which way you slice it, I didn’t find much to identify with. I can only hope others find this story a great comfort and a wonderful read-it just wasn’t for me.

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HOLY SHIT! I GOT THE ARC. I can’t believe it ! This is epic.

Wow.

That is all.

View all my reviews

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