Author: Chelsea (Page 61 of 111)

BOOK REVIEW: Black Iris by Leah Raeder

BOOK REVIEW: Black Iris by Leah RaederBlack Iris by Leah Raeder
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

The next dark and sexy romantic suspense novel from the USA Todaybestselling author of Unteachable.

It only took one moment of weakness for Laney Keating’s world to fall apart. One stupid gesture for a hopeless crush. Then the rumors began. Slut, they called her. Queer. Psycho. Mentally ill, messed up, so messed up even her own mother decided she wasn't worth sticking around for.

If Laney could erase that whole year, she would. College is her chance to start with a clean slate.

She's not looking for new friends, but they find her: charming, handsome Armin, the only guy patient enough to work through her thorny defenses—and fiery, filterless Blythe, the bad girl and partner in crime who has thorns of her own.

But Laney knows nothing good ever lasts. When a ghost from her past resurfaces—the bully who broke her down completely—she decides it's time to live up to her own legend. And Armin and Blythe are going to help.

Which was the plan all along.

Because the rumors are true. Every single one. And Laney is going to show them just how true.

She's going to show them all.

**ARC provided by Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**

I am not the heroine of this story.

Wellllll….here we go. If anyone follows my reviews, even a little, they know I hardly ever rate below a three. Hell, I hardly rate a three. Even less frequently do I rate a book a one-I mean, like, twice….in the last two years. So, to say I am shocked at my visceral reaction to this story is an understatement. I expected, at worst, maybe some indifference.


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Maybe a little bit of dislike. But I never ever EVER expected to hate this story so much. I didn’t expect to hate this story at all. And I am so so so sooo sorry….but I loathed this book to the bottom of my soul.

I respect this author’s voice and her journey, but I just couldn’t respect the content of this particular work. Not because of the narrator’s choice of whom to love, but because of her actions and how she spoke.

I don’t smile. When I show teeth, it’s to bite.

How much better of a person are you, really, than those who wronged you if you seek revenge in the most vile ways possible? How are you being any better of a person? This is fiction, sure. I know that. But, the whole time, I felt dragged down, depressed and oh so heavy as I read each and every page. Everything the narrator did made me feel so full of sadness that it became this deep, guttural emotion that I couldn’t contain. I would snarl, I would glare, I became angrier and angrier…and felt heavier and heavier. I was in a swirling inferno of rage with each page that passed as I learned more about our ‘unreliable narrator.’

That’s the real poison, truth. Keep that shit inside and you’ll see. You’ll wither and die.

But the worst thing of all? As we were finding everything out, piece by piece, bit by bit, we were supposed to begin to identify with the main character (I think?), to feel for her, but the more I began to learn about Laney, the more I began to feel for the enemies. Yes, what they did was deplorable, unforgivable, but what she begins doing almost feels worse to me. I grew this deep rooted connection with the God damn villains, with the people I despised, if only because I couldn’t stand to see what this girl was doing to them…and herself.

Maybe the only person who could understand a villain was another villain.

In a lot of ways, well, about 90% of them, this story was about sexual discovery and being who you are. I respected that from page one. But, and this is where it gets very very difficult to explain without pissing people off, I did feel that it was the WHOLE story. Let me explain: In Unteachable, Raeder’s other hit novel, Maisie had SOME of the same problems as well, including sexual prowess. But, aside from not being ridiculed in front of the whole school like Laney was, Maisie’s voice didn’t center around sex. It wasn’t all she thought about. In this story, I felt like we were drowned in Laney’s sexual desires, which is okay, but that’s all I really felt there was, for a long while. And by the time we got to the meat, the unraveling of the mystery, I was mildly heavily disgusted with the main character’s actions. Not just sexually, but with everything. It wasn’t about boy or girl, or girl and girl, or girl boy girl, for me. It was that sex and drugs were constant, every page variables in this story, and that wasn’t necessarily what I signed up for. I knew there would be scenes I was uncomfortable with, but I didn’t know how deeply the character’s affliction or fascination was. I’m okay with erotic books, sometimes, but I wish I’d have known just how erotically charged the WHOLE story would be.

Strength is not in the body, it’s in the mind. It doesn’t lie in flexing your muscles and crushing those who oppose you. It lies in being the last one standing. By any means. At any cost.

The characters. I hate to admit it, but I’ve never disliked a main character so deeply in my whole life. I make it a job to love or respect the MC’s in a story because I picked up their book, this is their story. I even loved Jorg from The Broken Empire series and he was an evil little shit. The truth is, I never have disliked, or hated, in Laney’s case, an MC so strongly before, if at all. And I really really think that speaks volumes. I felt more obsession, savagery, and possessive jealousy than any love in this story, and that makes me so sad because I know so many others found that solace for this deeply controversial story.

Oh, and if this bothers you, even a little (not me, since I was warned)…
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Then I suggest you don’t read this story.

That’s not to say everything turned me off in this book. I have always really adored Raeder’s writing style. It’s very poetic and beautiful and you feel swept up in her words. When you pick up a Leah Raeder novel, you know the writing is going to blow you away. At times, only for this story, I did feel a little bombarded with the descriptions, overwhelmed even, but the writing was still beautiful and it really completed the voice that the author wanted to convey. I really do enjoy her writing and I loved her previous work, so I didn’t want to discount that.

The sky looked like layered sherbet, creamy peach melting into raspberry and blueberry, shading the world in soft, milky tones. The sun was an eye-smarting bead of white light trembling at the horizon.

Okay. Well. There you go. I’m the type of person who really doesn’t like to make waves and worries constantly about what people will think of me when I rate badly. But, there’s literally no nice way to say you disliked a book that you are rating one star. There’s no way to mince your words because that one star says it all in flashing neon lights: This story wasn’t for me. No matter which way you slice it, I didn’t find much to identify with. I can only hope others find this story a great comfort and a wonderful read-it just wasn’t for me.

*******************


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HOLY SHIT! I GOT THE ARC. I can’t believe it ! This is epic.

Wow.

That is all.

View all my reviews

BOOK REVIEW: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before #1) by Jenny Han

BOOK REVIEW: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before #1) by Jenny HanTo All the Boys I've Loved Before (To All the Boys I've Loved Before #1)
by Jenny Han
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is the story of Lara Jean, who has never openly admitted her crushes, but instead wrote each boy a letter about how she felt, sealed it, and hid it in a box under her bed. But one day Lara Jean discovers that somehow her secret box of letters has been mailed, causing all her crushes from her past to confront her about the letters: her first kiss, the boy from summer camp, even her sister's ex-boyfriend, Josh. As she learns to deal with her past loves face to face, Lara Jean discovers that something good may come out of these letters after all.

What must it be like, to have a boy like you so much he cries for you?

I’ll be up front and honest about my like/dislike for this book: Everything I disliked is because of the author. It’s as simple as that. I needed to know if it was simply me that didn’t connect to the characters or scenarios in Burn for Burn or if it was, simply put, a dislike for the authors writing. So, I gave this one a chance. If some of you don’t know it, B4B was written by two authors-I didn’t know that at the time. So, and I SWEAR this is a coincidence, I read two different books this weekend that had the same type of feel. I’ve been reading the fake and/or secret high school relationship books, lately, so I wanted books that gave me the same kind of feels that The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend did. You know-funny, lots of banter, hot but committed player boyfriend, yada yada. ANYWAY, back to the coincidence: I ended up reading two books by these two separate authors that wrote Burn for Burn together-Weird, right?? I didn’t even realize!

Needless to say that I figured out who the cheesy author was…and it wasn’t the other-it was Jenny Han. And I think what makes me the saddest about that is she actually has the cutest ideas. Like, the cutest. She creates these wonderful male leads that make you giddy and excited to obsess over. She finds the funniest scenarios to put the characters in. And she creates some pretty admirable jealous scenes that, admittedly, suck you in. There’s no denying that the ideas are there. I believe this author just lacks in execution-well….that’s subjective, isn’t it?? I mean, this book has a broad, widespread love that I couldn’t cut down even if I wanted to. Just because I think it was kind of corny doesn’t mean that everyone else does. It just means that I know this author isn’t necessarily for me.

I think I can see the difference now, between loving someone from afar and loving someone up close. When you see them up close, you see the real them, but they also get to see the real you.

And let’s get right to the point….I couldn’t identify with the naivety of the main character, Lara Jean. I found her to be so unbelievably blind that it was almost sickening. It’s not that she didn’t have her cute moments where I could have hugged her….it’s just that she was mostly dumb. Like, a lot dumb. If a boy is hanging out at your house when no one could even possibly know he’s there….he likes you, if only even a little bit. If he kisses you in front of the neighbor when no one is around, just to make said neighbor ‘jealous’, he likes you. Stop making things bigger than what they are and simplify the facts. I’ll say it again….it’s THAT simple. People who have inexperience with boys will make mistakes-I get that. But tucking tail and running to your buddy(ies) every time you think he’s wronged you makes you juvenile and more than a little pathetic. Talk to the person…don’t just assume. I swear to god…Just…Just….so much assuming. Ugh. Gawd.


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But, here is the reason I did like so many parts. Here is the reason I did like Lara Jean, at times: Peter. He was sweet, charming, and he made me laugh more than once. His sweet, possessive streak had me smiling so big, though I can’t say I got the why of it all. He became increasingly interested in her and started hanging out more than was even necessary. It started to become this little tradition in the morning with him, Lara Jean, and Kitty, her kid sister. I don’t know, I just really enjoyed his character. But, another reason this wasn’t a four?? Because of the whole Gen or Gwen or whatever thing. Eh. I didn’t much care for it, near the end. I thought it seemed a tad…odd…on his part. But not at first. So, it’s not to say this whole rating was because of Lara Jean…..just 99.9% percent of it ;).

I let out an aggrieved sigh. Why does Peter not get the concept of picking a favorite thing?
Peter mimics my sigh and laughs. “Fine. I like cinnamon toast. That’s my favorite thing.”
“Cinnamon toast?” I repeat. “You like cinnamon toast better than crab legs? Better than a cheeseburger?”
“Yes.”
“Better than barbecue?”
Peter hesitates. Then he says, “Yes! Now quit picking my choice apart. I stand by my choice.”

-lol very cute

So, you know, I’d take my opinion with a grain of salt on this one. I clearly don’t like how Han executes, even with her ideas being of an adorable variety. If you’re looking for cute, this is your book. If you’re looking for a light, easy read, this is your book. But, if you strive for something a tad bit deeper…you won’t find it here. And as for the cheesiness I so astutely placed on Lara Jean’s shoulders??? It’s not the good kind of cheese…if you were wondering (Jen), she, most assuredly, was the BAD kind.

BOOK REVIEW: Shut Out by Kody Keplinger

BOOK REVIEW: Shut Out by Kody KeplingerShut Out by Kody Keplinger
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

Most high school sports teams have rivalries with other schools. At Hamilton High, it's a civil war: the football team versus the soccer team. And for her part, Lissa is sick of it. Her quarterback boyfriend, Randy, is always ditching her to go pick a fight with the soccer team or to prank their locker room. And on three separate occasions Randy's car has been egged while he and Lissa were inside, making out. She is done competing with a bunch of sweaty boys for her own boyfriend's attention.

Lissa decides to end the rivalry once and for all: She and the other players' girlfriends go on a hookup strike. The boys won't get any action from them until the football and soccer teams make peace. What they don't count on is a new sort of rivalry: an impossible girls-against-boys showdown that hinges on who will cave to their libidos first. And Lissa never sees her own sexual tension with the leader of the boys, Cash Sterling, coming.

“Because.” Cash’s fingers stilled, resting lightly against the back of my head, which didn’t hurt anymore. He looked down at me for a long second before continuing. “Because I want to see you with someone better than him. Someone who will see how lucky they are to have you.”
I bit my lip, nervous but determined to ask my next question. “Do you happen to have someone particular in mind, Cash?”
“Maybe.”

4 days, three (attempted) books, and countless exaggerated sighs later, and I can’t get this author’s characters out of my head. You heard me right-I have read two other books since finishing DUFF and nothing compares. I even tried to break back into my normal genre….but nothing seemed to stand up to the quirky inner dialogue of the heroines that this author creates. And, I’ll be the first to admit it, her male leads are unforgettable. First, Wesley. And now, Cash Sterling??? Seriously?? I mean, no, they aren’t amazing or crazy memorable, but they are sweet, endearing, kind-they fall hard for the female leads and they have the confidence and cockiness that gives them that sexy little edge that I have been missing, lately. My point to all this?? I read two other books, fully, before this, and I literally skipped their reviews (don’t worry, I’ll go back to them this week) to write this one. Because when a book makes me feel good…that’s all that matters-and this book made me smile ear to ear.

“Lissa,” Cash said slowly, drawing out the A at the end of my name. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but…Did you just mark a typo in your book?”
I bit my lip. “No. Of course not. Why would you say that?”
“Because you just marked something on the page with a red ink pen-like the ones teachers use to check papers.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Lissa.”

5 stars. Sigh. It feels so wrong, but oh so right. I went to put a four, because, come on, how juvenile is this plot?? More than once I tried to imagine any one of my friends picking this up and not rolling their eyes…unsuccessfully, I might add. But then I thought to myself, WTF do I care what people think??? When I have a specific book type in my head, it’s literally the only kind of book that will get a good rating from me. Lately? My choice of poison has been high school drama, sexy boys who have the sweetest touch of possessiveness while not 100% being in a relationship with the main girl, and fun friendships that keep the main character afloat. I dunno. It’s perfect for my mood right now.

“It’s not silly,” he said. “What’s silly is my deep-seated and unreasonable fear of fish.”
I frowned. “Fish? Like food?”
“No, that doesn’t bother me so much. Fish that are alive. I can’t swim in lakes or rivers or anything besides a swimming pool because I’m always convinced the fish are swimming all over me…all slimy and…ugh.”
I laughed, and Cash smiled.
“We all have our quirks,” he said. “This is yours. You wouldn’t be you without it.”

I think the reason I’m so skeptical as to whether other people I know would love this story (I know most of my friends are like me and could overlook any idiosyncrasies and dumb shit in DUFF, because, well, Wesley) or not is the amount of cliches that overflow in these books. I mean, I’m the QUEEN of not liking cliches (Hmm well, no, maybe not, but I roll my eyes sometimes, I swear!!) but for some reason, this author makes the stupidest things, like, say, this war they have going on in the book, seem almost charming. And my biggest warning to anyone who trusts my thoughts or reviews??? This book is dangerously cheesy. It has alll the cheese!!! But only the best kind of cheese.


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So, here’s the plot, in a nutshell. Lissa has a douchey boyfriend, Randy. Randy is on the football team. The football team and the soccer team have this epic (not so epic, it’s more moronic-me and the girls agree on this front) rivalry that’s been going on for years and years….and, while the biggest problem the girls see is that the boys put this childish rivalry ahead of ‘together time’, it’s becoming more than that. People are kind of getting hurt-it’s no longer just an emotional thing. And so, after being put second for the final time, Lissa decides enough is enough. She gathers all the girlfriends of the football and soccer players and induces a strike. What kind of strike, you ask?? Well, it’s simple: No more sex until the rivalry is over. *insert eyeroll* Right?? It sounds soooo juvenile. And, in a way, it is. But then again, I didn’t find it to be so-this author has a way of making it all seem…authentic. Authentic as any teenage melodrama could be. And, hold the eye rolling, I actually really enjoyed this plot. It put the skeezers in the lime light and showed what boys were truly in love with their girls….and what boys just wanted an opportunity to be with certain, aforementioned girls, like, say…Lissa??

I could just make out the boys’ retreating backs as they skirted across Ellen’s backyard and out toward the gravel back roads of Hamilton. The moonlight framed their silhouettes, and for a moment, one paused. I could see him turning his head back, but he was too far off for me to recognize his face as he looked at the house. At the window. At me.
Somehow, I knew it was Cash.

Cash. Cash Sterling. What a sweetheart. He got under my skin, deep. I won’t say he weaseled his way deeper than Wesley in my heart, but he got a nice little spot in the corner, saved all just for him. He was the guy always in the background, always secretly supporting Lissa and helping her when she fell. He was the guy that when her heart got broken time and again, he silently helped her pick up the pieces. I absolutely adored the way he treated her, the way he looked at her. I loved the way he was, just in general. I only wish we’d have gotten more time with him…though, the way it all happened seemed to be perfect, just as it was.

My body was riddled with electric shocks as his kisses grew more intense. My fingers grasped at his short brown hair, pulling him to me. I’d never felt like this, like I wanted to climb into another person’s skin. Like I wanted every inch of him to touch every inch of me, to twine myself around him and never let go. I’d never kissed anyone this way.

So, yeah. I really enjoyed this. It had tons of stuff that was moronic, naturally, with that kind of plot…but I loved it, all the same. The biggest problem I see people having is the assumptions. Assuming it was all a game. Assuming ‘he’ thought he was too good for her. Assuming that kiss wasn’t real. Not talking to each other about what they really felt for one another or what happened in the past…it’s a killer. But, eh. I enjoyed this WAY too much to nitpick. It is what it is-I paid for cheap thrills and wanted petty high school drama. I got it. *singing voice* Drammmaaaaaaaa.

BOOK REVIEW: The Duff (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) by Kody Keplinger

BOOK REVIEW: The Duff (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) by Kody KeplingerDuff (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) by Kody Keplinger
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

Soon to be a major motion picture! Seventeen-year-old Bianca Piper may not be the prettiest girl in her high school, but she has a loyal group of friends, a biting wit, and a spot-on BS detector. She's also way too smart to fall for the charms of man-slut and slimy school hottie Wesley Rush. But things aren't so great at home and Bianca, desperate for a distraction, ends up kissing Wesley. Worse, she likes it. Eager for escape, Bianca throws herself into a closeted enemies-with-benefits relationship with him.Until it all goes horribly awry. It turns out Wesley isn't such a bad listener, and his life is pretty screwed up, too. Suddenly Bianca realizes with absolute horror that she's falling for the guy she thought she hated more than anyone.

I was in the middle of asking myself the age-old question-where will I use this in real life?-when I felt a hand on my shoulder. That skin-crawly thing happened, and I knew exactly who was behind me.
Great. Just fucking great.


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Aaaahhhh this book. This book made me so unbelievably happy, it’s unreal. I was completely and utterly obsessed from the minute I picked it up until the moment I put it down. I grumbled when I had to go to sleep and I tossed and turned for what felt like an eternity, struggling internally to keep my head on the pillow and not roll over to pick my Ipad up again. It’s not that it was deep or heartfelt or altogether meaningful, I suppose, but the author created this wonderfully cliched world that I felt myself instantly addicted and drawn to, and these characters embedded themselves deep into my heart where I didn’t ever want to let them go. It didn’t need to be anything other than what it was-fun.

“Hey, you never told me why you were upset the other night,” he said. “You were too busy shoving your tongue down my throat. So what was the problem?”
“None of your-,” I began, but I stopped suddenly. “Hey! I didn’t…there was no tongue!” A shiver of rage ran through me as I noticed his mischievous smile. “You son of a bitch! Get the fuck out of here. God, why are you stalking me? I thought Wesley Rush didn’t chase girls. I thought they chased him, right?”

I’m not going to lie-I was ready for a DNF. I know, I know, total case of judging the book by it’s horrendous cover, but come on, Guys-look at it! Sad. Anyway. I saw the mixed reviews, I heard the movie was better, I found it was full of cliches, and…er….yeah, this is awkward-I heard the author was seventeen when she wrote this. All negative, if you ask me. I know, I’m a total bitch, right? But there were so many alarming red flags that had me so nervous when I picked this one up. And, I’ll admit it, I totally had my nose turned up like a snooty Who from Whoville when I began reading. I was all ‘Hmm. That happened quickly’ and ‘Oh, well she’s a bitch’ or ‘Hmm. I don’t like that they hang out here.’ But oh mah gah was I proven wrong. Each page that passed I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper until I eventually was so wrapped around this book’s pretty little finger that I couldn’t see straight. And you know what?? It’s never felt so good to be wrong.

I was fully conscious of Wesley’s hand as it slid up my torso and moved to cup my breast. With an effort, I pushed him away from me. His eyes were wide as he leaned back. “Please don’t slap me again,” he said.
“Shut up.”

Oh, Bianca, you bitchy little not-so-Duff. The inner workings of her mind were so funny, albeit very opinionated. She definitely had a venomous bite, but I never felt put off by her harsh judgements or crude rationalizations. Her reasons to start hanging with Wesley were wrong from the start, but she never once forgot that fact. Hiding it from her friends, attempting to escape reality, and scrutenizing others that were basically doing the same thing as her, she was in no position to judge…yet she did, repeatedly. And that’s where I think a lot of people might have had a problem with her-but I didn’t. I dunno. I thought that was kind of realistic. I pull a ‘pot calling the kettle black’ frequently when it concerns myself and other people, no matter how nice I am or how much I like people-it’s human nature to be a wee bit judgemental, and I can’t say I’m not…’cuz I am. No, I think my only problem with this whole story was how she continually put herself down. She repeatedly called herself the Duff and questioned why anyone liked her, why Wesley would possibly waste his time with her. It was a very noticeable thing throughout the story, but thankfully I loved her and Wesley so much it just didn’t matter-but I can see how this could possibly annoy others.

I jerked out from under Wesley’s hand and spun to face him, gripping my pencil like a dart and aiming it right at his Adam’s apple.
He didn’t even flinch. His gray eyes examined the pencil with feigned curiosity and he said, “Interesting. Is this how you greet all the boys you like?”
“I don’t like you.”
“Does that mean you love me, then?”

And WESLEY!!! EEPS!! I Can. Not. Believe. How much I loved him. He was cocky. He was arrogant. He was quirky. He was sexy. He gave me butterflies that I continually choked on…Okay. Fuck. I TOTALLY get why I loved him. But that’s besides the point!! From the moment we meet him *cough* page two *cough* I was raising my eyebrow sardonically (Okay, in my head I was. I’d had a couple glasses of wine….but that’s neither here nor there). I mean, we meet him THAT early?? Gag. I hate when that happens. But OMG, my fears were squelched when he not so subtlety inserted himself in her life every single day. They formed this adorable bond that made them secret friends, then secret *bleep* buddies, and then….something more?? I found myself laughing out loud so much when he was around that my smile became permanent. My heart broke the more we found out about him. My heart soared when he defended her. And my smile was depraved when he got jealous. But, mostly, there were butterflies. Endless butterflies.


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This book, to me, was unputdownable. I read it at work. I thought about it when I wasn’t reading it. I lost many hours of sleep over it. And I stayed up until almost one on a work night without even realizing it until I looked up and saw what programming was on tv-randomly, I might add. So, to say I didn’t love this would be false. I adored it. I cherished it. I’m guna go buy the movie version book for my bookshelf (I’m sorry, I can’t do that fugly cover. Just…No.). I, my friends, am still obsessed. I cannot wait until I can read it again.

Cute, funny, heart-warming, and addicting beyond all measure. This young author wrote my dream book for this moment in my life-I will never be so judgemental again (Lies. All lies. But, that would circle the point I’m trying to make-oops) before I really know what I’m talking about. I won’t judge a book by it’s cover. And I will try not to be biased.


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Oops. Just like Bianca. Guess I’ll never learn my lesson *shrugs* but I’m so glad I broke my completely rigid mold of rules for this one.


No matter where you go or what you do to distract yourself, reality catches up with you eventually.

 

BOOK REVIEW: Fall for Anything by Courtney Summers

BOOK REVIEW: Fall for Anything by Courtney SummersFall for Anything by Courtney Summers
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

From the author of Cracked Up to Be and Some Girls Are comes a gripping story about one girl’s search for clues into the mysterious death of her father.

When Eddie Reeves’s father commits suicide her life is consumed by the nagging question of why? Why when he was a legendary photographer and a brilliant teacher? Why when he seemed to find inspiration in everything he saw? And, most important, why when he had a daughter who loved him more than anyone else in the world? When she meets Culler Evans, a former student of her father’s and a photographer himself, an instant and dangerous attraction begins. Culler seems to know more about her father than she does and could possibly hold the key to the mystery surrounding his death. But Eddie’s vulnerability has weakened her and Culler Evans is getting too close. Her need for the truth keeps her hanging on...but are some questions better left unanswered?

We’re all lost in different ways, so how do we even help each other find our way out. We won’t. We can’t. We’ll just stay lost forever.

Wow. Just all the feels. All the feels in the world. It’s no secret I adore this author and would face a throw down in the Hunger Games to get another of her books in my hands, but I don’t think I could possibly portray just how deeply her books touch me. It’s not because I have all these dark inner thoughts and need a book like this to feel like someone is actually reaching me-No, what gets to me is the idea that I might have these dark thoughts…and no one would even know about it. Courtney Summers doesn’t hide from the harsher parts of life. All her books deal with inner turmoil in one way or another, but you never ONCE feel as though you are reading a suffocating story-it feels like any other book laced with humor and boys and parties and high school. But the kicker is that you are living your life in someone else’s shoes. Someone’s shoes that don’t have it as easy as you do. Someone who might just feel like they are dying inside but play the part every day like they are fine…when in fact they are slowly losing pieces of themselves each day that passes. These stories make you wonder just how much you know about those around you. Her books are that kind of powerful.

I imagine forcing myself farther down, until I feel weeds everywhere, brushing the sides of my arms, my feet, and then I’m surrounded. Tangled up in them so bad the lake would have me forever. I imagine drowning and what that would feel like, if I’d be scared. If I’d let it happen or if I’d fight it. I read in a book once you can’t drown yourself. Your body will fight to survive, whether you want to or not.
But I don’t think it’s the same when you jump.

My biggest question has nothing to do with this book-why why WHY don’t more people read this woman’s books?? They are beautiful and profound and they aren’t your every day drivel and formula we all have memorized and rehearsed-they actually have strong messages that give you feels in ways you never imagined possible. She expands your mind to a point you didn’t even realize existed. This is a book about suicide? I couldn’t even tell. I was hypnotized, as always, from page one when I got a glimpse of Summer’s words again.


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No author speaks to me the way this one does. We get romance, which I love, but it isn’t solely driven by that. I get emotional and obsessed with every aspect of the story, giving me these deep rooted feels I didn’t even know existed outside of romance. And I don’t see why more people haven’t latched onto her work like a life boat. I’ve felt like I have been drowning lately over the books I’ve read (not in a good way), slowly sinking into a depression where I didn’t think I’d fall hard for a book for a long time. But thank God I saved the last available Summers book up until this moment-I feel as though I’ve been air-lifted out of my funk, which brings no short amount of humor to my attention, in that this book had such dark matter…but that’s the point-it all mattered to me. And I guess that’s all I’ve been wanting-to actually care.

I catch sight of myself in the mirror and realize my father will never see me like this. I am becoming a person my father will never get to know.

A touching story where a girl feels betrayed after her father commits suicide, leaving no evidence as to why he chose to do so-causing her to grasp for more, any kind of more, to help with the whys and the hows and the whens. A journey where a girl is so desperate for answers she continually searches and strives for anything she can find….and then she meets a guy who might just know more than she does about what happened that night. Her best friend, Milo, learns about this and becomes protective and concerned and…jealous? Could he possibly be jealous? They’ve been best friends since second grade and ever since her father’s death, he has been worried sick about her and her well-being. He would do pretty much anything for her….even help her to figure out what’s going on with mystery guy and the clues he found from her father…even when he thinks she should just try to live and move on.

Sometimes I feel hunted by my grief. It circles me, stalks me. It’s always in my periphery. Sometimes I can fake it out. Sometimes I make myself go so still, it can’t sense that I’m there anymore and it goes away. I do that right now.
I go so still the thing inside me doesn’t know I’m there anymore.

Today, here, now I didn’t exist (How many times have I used this word? See? I’m out of my mind nuts for this book) outside of this story. For whatever reason it latched onto my heart and put it in a vice, squeezing and squeezing until that very last page where I finally, finally could let my breath slowly ease out and I could just simply be. That’s what her books do to me. They rip me out of reality until I feel like coming back-not often do books hold that power over you. That power where you know things are going on outside this vivid, imaginative world, but you are so focused and intent on this story that you kind of…live in an alternative plane of existence where you’re simply going through the motions in the real world until you can pick the story back up. That was me last night. I smiled. I nodded. I talked with the hubbs…but the only thing I wanted was to get back to Eddie and protective little Milo!

I can’t even look at her. I can’t do this right now. I leave the room. I leave the house. I’m always leaving, but I never have anywhere to go.

There is strong subject matter that won’t be fit for everyone, so I suggest you pick up her other works first like Some Girls Are or This is Not a Test and see if those stories touch you just as much as her writing has touched me. My first suggestion? Some Girls Are. But for an excellent dystopian that brought me out of the dystopian funk I was in (my favorite type of book so imagine how sad I was), I suggest This is Not a Test. I almost guarantee you’ll like one of those, if not both. If you don’t enjoy those, then her writing is likely not for you-Summers always has a dark undertone to her writing and a sleek way of working real tragedy into the stories, so you’ll quickly know if it’s a trigger you can handle. Though, I just can’t imagine that being the case-ever. It’s not all dark-there are beautiful moments between friends and jealousies and protectiveness and she creates some pretty dreamy boys that I have found to be unforgettable-almost every story has a heartbreaking romance that, while it doesn’t steal the show, it totally does because it’s not stealing the show lol. Meaning, by not pushing it in our faces, it totally makes you obsessed with it to the point where you’re…well…obsessed. But you still care about the depth of the story-line-which is a big problem for me. In most books all I care about is the romance.

Aaron launches himself off the roof and the time it takes him to fall seems like one of those forever kind of seconds-the kind you feel every inch of yourself present for, the kind where you can absorb every detail and recall it easily later, but also the kind that’s gone so quickly you wonder how it’s even possible to have walked away with that much of it carved into your soul.

I was going through a reading slump, but this book brought me back from that dark place. I got to add a new favorite to my shelf and I was able to immerse my myself in a sea of one of my favorite author’s words, once again. It just goes to show I’ve really evolved as a reader, since 2012. I need something palpable, real. I need flawed characters who make mistakes. I don’t need that perfectly wrapped up HEA anymore (okay, well, I mean Lauren Layne’s books have the PERFECT HEA’s so that’s a lie-I’ll always need those….) to fulfill me. I just need an expertly woven story…and Summers delivers.

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