Category: Z-Old Users (Page 14 of 50)

BOOK REVIEW – The Cresswell Plot by Eliza Wass

BOOK REVIEW – The Cresswell Plot by Eliza WassThe Cresswell Plot by Eliza Wass
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

The woods were insane in the dark, terrifying and magical at the same time. But best of all were the stars, which trumpeted their light into the misty dark.

Castella Cresswell and her five siblings—Hannan, Caspar, Mortimer, Delvive, and Jerusalem—know what it’s like to be different. For years, their world has been confined to their ramshackle family home deep in the woods of upstate New York. They abide by the strict rule of God, whose messages come directly from their father.

Slowly, Castley and her siblings start to test the boundaries of the laws that bind them. But, at school, they’re still the freaks they’ve always been to the outside world. Marked by their plain clothing. Unexplained bruising. Utter isolation from their classmates. That is, until Castley is forced to partner with the totally irritating, totally normal George Gray, who offers her a glimpse of a life filled with freedom and choice.

Castley’s world rapidly expands beyond the woods she knows so well and the beliefs she once thought were the only truths. There is a future waiting for her if she can escape her father’s grasp, but Castley refuses to leave her siblings behind. Just as she begins to form a plan, her father makes a chilling announcement: the Cresswells will soon return to their home in heaven. With time running out on all of their lives, Castley must expose the depth of her father’s lies. The forest has buried the truth in darkness for far too long. Castley might be their last hope for salvation.

 Wow. Give The Cresswell Plot a slow clap for picturing such a fanatic, disturbing and abusive family without never creating ANY emotion in me. As far as my 1 star ratings are concerned, I usually follow two patterns :

1) The book makes me rage so much that I would love burning it, but it would be evil (I may be a Slytherin and an INTJ, even I have standards, you know).

2) The book is just so fucking bad that I,
a) want to forget that I even considered it, let alone read it ;
b) regularly burst of laughing at the most inappropriate moments ;
c) desperately shake my head in a “DID YOU SEE THIS?” fashion (alas, my dog didn’t).

Congrats, The Cresswell Plot! You proudly belong to #2, and here’s why :

1) There’s something to say about a narrative voice so flat and dispassionate that the most horrific events don’t make the reader blink an eye (think abuse, incest, crazy speech about God, JUST NAME IT). That something is : this is what happens when you can’t connect with the characters, when the plot what plot?! doesn’t make any sense and when the writing is nothing else than generic and devoid of any depth.

This book should earn a medal – it would go like this :

Yikes.

2) Somewhere along the way, The Cresswell Plot forgot that a mystery needed tension to have a fucking point. You know when everything is so confusing that you keep turning the pages, eager to know what will happen, to understand, finally? Do you see? Do you know what I mean??? Well, it wasn’t like that, but on the contrary the book and me went through many discussions like this –

Book : So our father want to marry us to each other
Me : whatevs

Book : And now there is this intriguing and questioning THING that happened SOMEDAY with SOMEONE and wouldn’t you want to know?
Me : whatever you sayyyyy

Book : I get the feeling that we don’t understand each other
Me : …

Book : i am dark though am i not (yeah, it kinda became a troll at some point)
Me : …

Book : But aren’t you intrigued just say it
Me : yeah, sure (now the head shaking I was talking about earlier) (please someone help me)

3) While we’re at it, can we focus one second on the fact that it got harder and harder for me to suspend my disbelief? So you have a family who’s living in the woods, surviving by selling junk on markets, and thinking that Heaven is that little place just for Them (because they’re the only ones really pure). I mean, okay. It’s hard for me to believe in this but ALRIGHT. I’m sure there are crazy people like this everywhere. But see, the children go to high school. One of them never talks and it doesn’t seem to bother anyone. Because the girl PAINTS.

“They loved that she never spoke; people thought that was really fabulous. “How wonderful,” they would say, “that she can speak so beautifully through her paintings.”

YOU DON’T SAY. Hey, honestly, if one of my pupils stopped talking at age 6 and draw fucking Monet, I would still be concerned by her absolute lack of TALKING. What’s this school really?! Shouldn’t be, say, social workers? Especially when every one of the kids show proofs of abuse (bruises, burns) and are starving? When it’s common knowledge that their father lock them in a hole in the woods when they “sinned”? NOBODY CARES? REALLY?

4) I dare you to connect to the characters. No, seriously. I DARE YOU. Since they’re exclusively built on telling and never, ever on showing, the only thing I can say is that the main character, Castella, does like rambling (and calling her boyfriend by his complete name. In. Her. Head. All. The. Time. Who does that?!) and for the other ones…

……………………………………………

They are not there. They’re cardboard people. They don’t make any sense. THEY CAN’T KEEP A PERSONALITY FOR MORE THAN 10 PAGES. They are all over the place. It’s exhausting. I don’t care about any of them, and I SHOULD. Given what they go through, I should feel horrified and depressed and upset and fucking mad.

Above that, the fact that all of them trust their father *cough* are brainwashed *cough* makes for the most uncomfortable thoughts. If at first I accepted it, thinking that it would be handled later in the book, I can’t dismiss my discomfort now. If there’s something that maddens me, it’s when abuse isn’t called for what it is but only brushed off, and in the end, it’s how I feel in The Cresswell Plot. The way Castella and her siblings condemn it – only in the very end, and pretty quickly – is not enough. You don’t go and tackle that kind of hard issues without really dealing with them.

5) The last paragraph was so lame, okay?

“Some people might look pretty or talk prettily, but it’s the things they do that tell you if they’re worthy of your time. It’s the things they do that tell you if they deserve your faith.”

Amen, I guess? Such a disappointment, really. Do not recommend.

*arc kindly provided by Disney-Hyperion through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review*

BOOK REVIEW – The Player and the Pixie (Rugby #2) by L.H. Cosway, Penny Reid

BOOK REVIEW – The Player and the Pixie (Rugby #2) by  L.H. Cosway, Penny ReidThe Player and the Pixie (Rugby #2)
by L.H. Cosway, Penny Reid
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

How can someone so smokin’ hot be so bad in bed? I mean, Sean Cassidy is absolute rubbish. RUBBISH. He is the epitome of walking, talking false advertising and I want a refund! Plus he’s an arsehole. So… what is wrong with me that I can’t stop thinking about him?

THE PIXIE
Lucy Fitzpatrick doesn’t like rugby.
As the little sister of Ireland’s most infamous rugby player, Lucy can’t seem to escape the championship-sized shadow cast by her big brother, or her mother’s frequent attempts to micromanage her future. Her rainbow hair is as free-spirited as her quest for inner peace, yet overbearing expectations keep bringing her down. And when she’s down, her compulsive little problem lands her in seriously big trouble.

THE PLAYER
Sean Cassidy is a cold-hearted brute… or so he’s been told. Frequently. By everyone.
His blonde locks, baby blues, and rock hard bod make ladies the world over drool with desire. As the rugby world’s second most infamous player, he should be basking in his success. But Sean has never been content settling for second place, and his frequent confrontations with Lucy’s big brother leave him cold. And when he’s cold, his compulsive little problem lands him in the lap of Lucy Fitzpatrick.

THE PLAN
Sean has a problem only Lucy can solve. Lucy has a problem only Sean can fix. The solution seems obvious: you scratch my back, and I’ll bail you out of jail. But when their business arrangement unexpectedly leaves Sean scorching hot and Lucy on the precipice of inner peace, can they convince the world—and Lucy’s big brother in particular—that this is the real deal?

Either way, both the Player and the Pixie are about to teach each other some pretty monumental lessons about family, life, but most importantly, love.

“What do you want to do?”
“I’d like to lick your pussy.”

O-KAY. Shh. I’m going to close my reader sloooowly and let these two happily wander towards their HEA, okay? I tried and turned off my inner sarcasm but I just. cannot. go. on. Such a great idea gone to waste, unfortunately. Although I didn’t like The Hooker and the Hermit (because I’m allergic to “caged-in” types of guys, they make me claustrophobic), The Player and the Pixie appealed to me because… Well, because how many times did you read about a male-lead who sucked at sex?

My point exactly. Romance novels are so full of hot tongues, formidable erections and mind-blowing first times that I thought it would be refreshing to read about a hot guy lacking any skills during the intercourse (I always dreamed to write this word. So deliciously cheesy). Anyway. I can’t deny that it made for a good laugh (I’m horrible, I know, shh) and it could have grabbed me but it was without counting that,

1) I’m constantly amazed and baffled by these women who manage to answer asshole-ish comments by putting their hand on the guy’s shoulder and saying things along the lines as, “aw you poor thing, you’re so sad.” And they’re not even sarcastic!? They actually mean it?! Help me, because I genuinely don’t get it? How do you do that? Is there some social skill I’m lacking? (maybe – I’m French, I’m rude by nature am I not?) I’m not saying that the right answer is necessarily “fuck off” (although…), but there must be a right balance to find? It makes it so, so hard for me to connect with this kind of MCs, even if Lucy isn’t technically a doormat (yet). I like her enough, but I do not get her.

2) I can like assholes, but only to a certain extent? In order for me to root for a character, especially if romance is involved and if he’s not supposed to be a villain, I need him to be… well, decent. He can play around, but only if he doesn’t show double standards. He can be smartass and sarcastic, but there are some lines I’m not ready to cross, like, I don’t know, racism.

Tell me what the fuck is this.

“So,” he broached, “who’s the Mocha Frappuccino back inside? Your boyfriend?”
I stopped immediately and turned to face him, my expression devoid of humor. “Could you be any more racist?”
“I’m not being racist. I’m being descriptive. I’ll have you know that some of the warmest nights of my life have been spent with women of color. Lovely, lovely colors.”

[ensues Lucy’s answer about how she doesn’t want to hear about his conquests]

SERIOUSLY? I’ll have you know that you took the “I’m not racist, I have a friend who’s black!” crap to a whole new level, Jerkface. Lucy calls him on it (because she’s decent, remember, the “aw you poor thing” shoulder hug) but in the end, it doesn’t matter. I cannot care about Sean’s HEA when every time he opens his mouth I want to (violently) shut it. He annoys me, and above that, he’s one-dimensional and completely uninteresting. How am I supposed to suffer through his POV now tell me? And the guy’s actually talking to me, telling the reader to stop clutching their pearls and I’m like – HUH?! What do you mean, Dickhead? It’s a sweatshirt. Anyway. Ugh. Do not talk to me.

3) There’s no chemistry or any… point… to the story. Honestly, I can see the “twists” coming miles away, given that Mister Prick is Lucy’s brother nemesis (oh, the pissing contests! Tell me when to swoon really). While predictability doesn’t necessarily bother me in romance novels, I still need some kind of tension to make me interested. Their instalust, insta-I want to help you thingy going on bores me to death and to be honest, I’m not sure I have in me to enjoy these cardboard people falling in loooove.

Such a shame really.

“Nipping lightly at the underside of my jaw, he murmured, “Are you wet?”

Aw. I’ll be missing so many of Sean’s poetic lines. Boohoo, woe is me. DNF 33%.

PS. What’s up with the tweets at the beginning of the chapters? Are they supposed to make the story more original? Because they add nothing, lack any spark and made me roll my eyes. Oops.

BOOK REVIEW – Seven Black Diamonds by Melissa Marr

BOOK REVIEW – Seven Black Diamonds by Melissa MarrSeven Black Diamonds by Melissa Marr
Purchase on: Amazon
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

Lilywhite Abernathy is a criminal. Her father’s “unconventional” business has meant a life of tightly held secrets, concealed weaponry, and a strict code. But Lily’s crime isn’t being the daughter of a powerful mob boss. Her guilt lies in the other half of her DNA—the part that can coax ancient rumors from stones and summon fire with a thought. Lily is part fae, which is a crime in her world.

From the time before she was born, a war has been raging between humanity and fae. The Queen of Blood and Rage, ruler of both the Seelie and Unseelie courts, wants to avenge the tragic death of her heir—a death that was the fault of reckless humans.

Lily’s father has shielded her from the repercussions of her ancestry…until she is sent to the prestigious St. Columba’s school, straight into the arms of the Black Diamonds.

Mysterious, glamorous, and bound together in their mission but constantly at odds, Zephyr, Creed, Will, Roan, Violet, and Alkamy are a Sleeper cell of fae, planted in the human world to help destroy it from within. With covers as rock stars and celebrity children, the Black Diamonds carry out the queen’s war against humanity. And unbeknownst to Lilywhite, she’s been chosen to join them.

Now more than ever, Lily’s heritage puts her in peril, and even the romantic attention of the fae singer Creed Morrison isn’t enough to keep Lily from wanting to run back to the safer world of organized crime.

Melissa Marr returns to faery in a dramatic story of the precarious space between two worlds and the people who must thrive there.


DNF. I have to say, Melissa Marr sure cares about my reading time : I already know, at barely 15%, that her writing style makes me so happy wince. How’s that for an achievement?!

“The feel of his skin on hers resonated through her body like she was a vessel for nature itself.”

Because fairies. Too bad I won’t see her spawn flowers, I suppose. Seriously, though, what’s up with that?

Props to her, really. I would almost frown if not for these wonderful details called repetitions, because I’m dumb or something! One time is never enough, I just LOVE when characters remind me of such IMPORTANT facts like,

“Those of the so-called “better” fae court were what was traditionally called “sun-burnished”

Yep. You said it already. 5 pages earlier. I do remember because, you know, 5 PAGES EARLIER.

Also, look at this Beauty here :

“The Queen of Blood and Rage sat on a throne inside her small throne room. The throne in this room was nothing more than wood and vine.”

Beautiful. Just beautiful. ISN’T THAT BEAUTIFUL? I have no words (neither she).

“The articles she’d read all explained that fae-blood were typically associated with one element. Those of purer fae lines had a second. True fae had two or sometimes more. Nothing explained why she had four, and she’d never met another fae-blood she could ask.”

Aw, that’s okay, dear. You might just be a spechul snowflake is all.

*yawns*

I would clap, but I’m too tired for that (shoot me, just shoot me now).

BOOK REVIEW – The Ask and the Answer (Chaos Walking #2) by Patrick Ness

BOOK REVIEW – The Ask and the Answer (Chaos Walking #2) by Patrick NessThe Ask and the Answer (Chaos Walking #2)
by Patrick Ness
Purchase on: AmazoniBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

"The Ask and the Answer" is a tense, shocking and deeply moving novel of resistance under the most extreme pressure. This is the second title in the "Chaos Walking" trilogy.

What would you choose if you had the faith of someone you love in your hands?

Would you betray your beliefs?

I must confess that the only honest answer I can give you is :

Of course I’d be so proud if I was able to say that I’d do the right thing whatever it takes, and I want to think I’d do it. Really. Of course there are situations where what to do is obvious because one of the possibilities is utterly bad. But sometimes – sometimes there’s no such thing as a right choice.

The Ask and the Answer is supposed to be a children’s book. Yes, for sure it is. I mean, that seems crystal clear, huh? The main characters are young, aren’t they?

Yes… But still. Is it enough to tell? Really?

Because this book?! It actually made me think more than most of those I’ve read for years. And I read a lot. The Ask and the Answer gives rise to ethical reflection and disturbs us.

What is it that makes you a good person? Is there a boundary line? Where is it, I’m asking, where is it? Is it what you do? What you think? What you allow others to do?

WHERE?

– Blur –

“And they seem to unnerstand. That’s the thing. They unnerstand way more than a sheep would.”

Make no mistakes, I hated Mayor Prentiss – President – Prentiss something fierce. I really did, from the beginning. Then, I never liked a lot this Mistress Coyle either. But these choices our characters must face? They’re difficult. Harsh.

*blush* Can I say it? I only wanted for Todd and Viola to be safe. To be together. To be happy. Yes, I can be idealist that way.

And maybe it makes me a coward, maybe it makes me weak, but –

There was a moment I was just thinking one damn thing : “Run!” Fuck ’em all, and run! (shut up) But of course it’d be selfish. Of course life isn’t so simple. And of course the story would be over, and way less interesting. I may be a romantic but not that dumb. I know that. But still. I’m just saying I thought about it. Fortunately for us, readers who want to be moved but oh my god that’s so harsh – Fortunately for us, Todd and Viola are amazing characters and oh so more stronger than me.

I’ll let you know something : This book is a gem, a real one, but that was painful.

“Cuz she’s out there somewhere. (please be out there somewhere) (please be okay) (please)”

I’ve said my heart ached for Todd in The Knife of Never Letting Go? Scratch that : It just broke in this one. All over again. I sure can’t say that I agreed with all the choices he made. It’d be far from the true – some of his actions are really unforgivable (view spoiler). But, you know, Patrick Ness is such a genius – yes, because I know that the talent (or the lack of) of a writer plays a large part in our feelings towards the characters – that even if I hated Todd sometimes, I couldn’t help but love him. Something fierce. Whatever it takes.

That’s the all point, huh?

(Viola?)

You could think that this sentence, “Love is stronger than anything” is a pious platitude. You’d be right. I mean, we all know how this sentence is often used in romance novels to, you know, try to hide the lack of plot?

And yet you’d be so wrong. This book is not a romance. So then? Where does it lead us?

To a wonderful book about choices. The choices we make and why we make them and how can we be sure that we’re right?

We just can’t.

Let it be known that I will forever be destroyed by this quote. FOREVER –

“And someone calls, “Murderer!” from across the square.
But of course it can’t be her –
But at least there’s someone. At least there’s someone.”

… Because what are we hoping but for someone to speak up? I want to be that person, and even if I’m not gonna lie, it scares me to death, I sure hope I would be, because what’s the point of life if we can witness atrocities and just stand there?

I am in awe of Patrick Ness. His books are brilliant, and I’m already looking forward to reading the next. Because of course there’s a cliffhanger. Again.

Edit 05/29 : I’ve started editing this review, but nothing could express my confusion and emotion more than the few words I wrote straight away. Perhaps it’s for the best that my obsessional perfectionism can’t influence everything. Perhaps sometimes, beautiful sentences and neat organization would be nothing else but a lie.

BOOK REVIEW – I Hate Fairyland, Vol. 1: Madly Ever After (I Hate Fairyland #1-5) by Skottie Young

BOOK REVIEW – I Hate Fairyland, Vol. 1: Madly Ever After (I Hate Fairyland #1-5) by Skottie YoungI Hate Fairyland, Vol. 1: Madly Ever After by Skottie Young
Purchase on: Amazon
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:

From superstar writer and artist Skottie Young (Rocket Raccoon, Wizard of OZ, Fortunately, The Milk), comes the first volume of an all-new series of adventure and mayhem. An Adventure Time/Alice in Wonderland-style epic that smashes it's cute little face against grown-up, Tank Girl/Deadpool-esque violent madness. Follow Gert, a forty year old woman stuck in a six year olds body who has been stuck in the magical world of Fairyland for nearly thirty years. Join her and her giant battle-axe on a delightfully blood soaked journey to see who will survive the girl who HATES FAIRYLAND.

“Is anyone ever really ready for a riddle? They’re kind of the worst, right?”

Who never dreamed of getting sucked into the Wonderful World of Fairyland?

That would be Gertrude. Do not fear, though, because as always in Wonderland (or whatever its name) she only has to find the Key to come back to her world.

Meanwhile, Gertrude can embrace all the joy and fluff and RIDDLES and – IT’S BEEN TWENTY-SEVEN FLUFFING YEARS, during which Gertrude offered the worst better of her awful wonderful personality to Fairyland’s inhabitants –

Alright, she might be *a little* bitter –

But the girl’s stuck into her 8 years-old body and you know, WHO WOULDN’T BE BITTER?

Alright. That girl. ANYWAY. Skottie Young raises valid questions, if you ask me : Aren’t all these colors just too BRIGHT for the human brain? Don’t you want to shoot that guy over there who’s narrating your tale ON LIVE? Aren’t riddles just FLUFFING ANNOYING?

I Hate Fairyland, Vol. 1: Madly Ever After is violent – bloody gore, even – full of cursing and oh so impertinent. If I can’t say that I loved it, because there’s just so much slash and kill I can take, and if the humor was a little too much on the ew, gross side for me, I still enjoyed all the references thrown into the story and –

I LOVE LARRY. Gertrude’s (forced) guide shows the perfect kind of blasé sarcasm I adore. Every one of his deadpan remarks are one million times funnier than Gertrude’s over-the-top craziness.

Here you go.

 

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