Hey guys! Welcome to the Wonderful World of European Blogging on American Plateforms ™ or should I say the Wonderful World of Blogging About English Books in a Non-English Country™. You’ll love it. I swear.
More seriously, I shouldn’t feel obligated to say it, but as I’m well-aware of the Rude™ label many people put on the French shoulders (not entirely undeserved, but this is another story for another day), I’ll start by renewing my faith in (wow, creepy) reminding everyone that I love blogging about books and talking with book lovers from all around the world – no matter how much some little things annoy me.
I’ll talk about these little things today.
TRIGGER WARNING : Any resemblance to a whiny person is completely intentional.
While editing a post on your blog, you’ve noticed that something wasn’t quite right : either the pictures won’t load, or your …. Alright, those of you who run a blog know that it could be anything, really. Anyway. So what tips did you learn at school for when you’re stuck on something? No, not asking the teacher, the other thing that made her breathe easily : you ask a friend, of course! Team work and all that jazz. The thing is, when you’re running a blog about English books, your co-bloggers most likely live thousands of miles away. Hours away.
10 AM in Paris = 4 AM in Indiana = 1 AM in Nevada.
Well, I’m not a jerk who feels entitled to get an answer in the middle of the night, SO. I’ll have to wait (and probably find the answer alone, so spamming the blog thread with my questions then answers then never mind, I found it! texts).
Let’s say that I want to read Saving Francesca by Melina Marchetta during my vacations. Where do I start? Bookstores, of course. Unfortunately, after 1 hour of thoroughly searching for English books in my bookstore (in any bookstore except if you live in Paris/are fucking lucky/want to read Shakespeare or Steinbeck), I had to face the facts : French bookstores don’t sell English books, and when they do, they’ll most likely be classics.
So of course I thought, hey! Amazon is your friend! (well *coughs* except if you take the fact that they don’t pay any taxes in your country into account *coughs* who cares if they’re the best at disloyal deals *coughs* taxes and good employment conditions are overrated anyway right? *suffocates*)
“European country” is such a weird concept anyway. Let’s confuse them, because really, who the fuck cares.
Yep, that’s right. Your favorite authors won’t fly to you, and most publishers won’t consider you because…. rights are a bitch. But moving on.
Don’t you hate it when you’ve done everything you had to do to enter a giveaway, only to realize that the US ONLY tag didn’t mean “us, the book lovers” but more “US, you just wasted your time”? Because I do. EUROPE ONLY is such a rare tag that I’ve decided to run my own giveaway and offer you not one, but two of my favorite novels on paperback, The Raven Boys and The Dream Thieves (RONAN! Ronan is life) by Maggie Stiefvater and a signed postcard. Good luck!
But fear no more! Living in a Non English speaking country when reviewing is not so bleak. Indeed you can learn wonderful skills thanks to it!
1) You ROCK at devises change : what, now you know that 10$ means “a little less than 10€, I’d say 9€ but really I’m not sure,where is the paypal change widget when you need it”. Wonderful. Just wonderful. (Alright. It’s 9,16896 €. You’re welcome.)
2) When you’re texting your real life friends, you frequently use LMAO even though they don’t know what it means. Fuck! (← they always know what that means) Anyway, you’re twice as likely to confuse the hell out of your friends and coworkers. Isn’t it awesome? Here’s some French abbreviations for you if you want to … Well, I’m not sure why you would want them, but oh well.
mdr = Literally, “dead by laughing”, because we’re fun like that.
tkt = Literally, “you worry”, buuuuut it means the opposite : “don’t worry”
pk/pq/pkoi = Whyyyyyyyy do French can’t bloody agree on anything? (It’s “why”)
stp = “please” when talking to a friend (otherwise, for your boss, it will be svp)
dsl = sorry for being a jerk (okay, just “sorry”)
VDM = (my personal favorite) You know when you’re late for work, shoved by an asshole who doesn’t even apologize and you ruin your clothes by spreading coffee all over them? Well, it’s VDM. Literally, “FML”.
3) You regularly pause while speaking French to wonder how the fuck do we say that word in…. French. Yikes.
… but when you have wonderful friends on the other side of the Atlantic, not sleeping at night does not look so horrible <3
So, tell me : can you recognize yourself in some of these situations, or am I really a whiny bitch*? Answer in comments!
* I’m not sure I really want to know if that’s the case, mdr (← HA!)
Giveaway background and bird images from Vecteezy.