Tag: Contemporary Romance (Page 69 of 98)

BOOK REVIEW – Addicted to You (Addicted #1) by Krista Ritchie & Becca Ritchie

July 21, 2015 / Jen / 0 Comments

Addicted to You (Addicted #1)
by Becca Ritchie, Krista Ritchie
Purchase on: Amazon, iBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:
She's addicted to sex. He's addicted to booze...the only way out is rock bottom.

No one would suspect shy Lily Calloway's biggest secret. While everyone is dancing at college bars, Lily stays in the bathroom. To get laid. Her compulsion leads her to one-night stands, steamy hookups and events she shamefully regrets. The only person who knows her secret happens to have one of his own.

Loren Hale's best friend is his bottle of bourbon. Lily comes at a close second. For three years, they've pretended to be in a real relationship, hiding their addictions from their families. They've mastered the art of concealing flasks and random guys that filter in and out of their apartment.

But as they sink beneath the weight of their addictions, they cling harder to their destructive relationship and wonder if a life together, for real, is better than a lie. Strangers and family begin to infiltrate their guarded lives, and with new challenges, they realize they may not just be addicted to alcohol and sex.

Their real vice may be each other.

Review:

Our selfishness wedges between us. Neither of us is willing to give up what we love for each other. Not yet. And I’m not sure what it’s going to take to let go of our addictions. – Lily

The premise of this book sounded utterly fascinating. A sex addict (Lily Calloway) and alcoholic (Loren Hale) who have been best friends since childhood and pretend to be in a relationship to keep their addictions a secret from their families? Intrigued! Add in fact that the characters opulence is floated throughout the pages and I was sold! In the beginning, I was enamored with their lifestyle, decisions and struggles. It honestly felt as though I was devouring a book that would be a perfect fit as a reality show on TV. Wealth, addiction, lies, sex, alcohol, family. Flawless, right? But while all of these features initially drew me in, they started to drain me. I felt as though I was drowning in their ill choices and hardships. And in the end, it took too large of a toll on me.

Why can’t I have an addiction that people understand? It’s a vile thought—to wish for an addiction many die with. I’d rather have none at all, but for some reason, I never allow myself that option. – Lily

This stories portrayal of their addictions felt real. And while I’ve read stories with addictions before, none have ever felt as though the addiction is as huge as the main character. Where it is a constant state that never stops breathing. Watching Lo (Loren) be a functioning alcoholic and start drinking from the moment he woke up from passing out hurt. It pained me to watch someone struggle with such a strong addiction. Maybe I’m more sensitive since I watched one of my good friends father’s be a functioning alcoholic. Happy and present, until it killed him. With pages upon pages of Lo constantly having a drink in his hand, of saying and doing hurtful things because of his drunkenness, my god it devastated me. Every second of his day pained me except for the moments where he would say something beautiful and sweet to Lily. They did truly love each other, but it never felt as though it was enough to outweigh their addictions. Now Lily’s sex addiction? It was depressing also. Instead of being hot (not sure why I thought it would be that way because hellllllllo, it’s an addiction!), I wanted to cry for this girl who couldn’t control her sex addiction. Who ended up in potentially hazardous situations all to get her next fix. Can I go in the corner and sob now please?

I can’t do this again. “I’ll stop, not the sex, but the motels, the unknown texts, Craigslist—”
“Craigslist?!” he yells. “What the fuck, Lily? You know who solicits for sex on those things? Child molesters and perverts, not to mention it’s fucking illegal.”
“I didn’t use it!” I shout back, my cheeks flaming. “I was just looking.” – Lily

Even though I could feel their pain radiating off of the pages, I couldn’t make myself connect to either Lo or Lily. Ironically, the one I did connect with showed up a little later in the story and his name was Connor. He was rude, presumptuous, and hilarious. I loved the moments that he was around Lily and Lo because it helped add humor and scenes that didn’t have me wanting to curl into the fetal position and just cry. So unfortunately, Addicted to You was too depressing for me. I knew going into the book that it dealt with addictions, but I didn’t expect to be drowning in their sorrows and hearth-aches on what felt like every page. I wasn’t ale to find many slivers of hope, besides Connor. So no, I won’t be continuing on with this series.

BOOK REVIEW – Bounce (Boomerang #3) by Noelle August

July 20, 2015 / Anna

Bounce (Boomerang #3)
by Noelle August
Purchase on: Amazon, iBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:
Playing the occasional club gig just isn’t cutting it for twenty-two-year-old cellist Skyler Canby, who’s trying to support herself and her mother back home in Kentucky. Persuaded by her best friend Beth to accompany her on an audition for the first feature film launched by Blackwood Entertainment, she figures why not? Beth’s a shoe-in for the lead, but maybe Skyler’s newly dyed pink hair will help her stand out enough to score a small speaking part.

Never in her wildest dreams does Skyler imagine she’ll land the lead role or that she’ll have her shoes knocked off her feet by the kiss her audition partner, Grey Blackwood, plants on her—a kiss that feels very real and not at all “acted. ”

After throwing a party that causes thousands of dollars of damage to his older brother’s home, reckless musician Grey Blackwood gets roped into working off his debt on the set of his CEO brother’s newest project. Grey spends his days fetching coffee and doing odd jobs around the studio, but he lives for nights when he performs with his band. He knows if he can stay focused, success as a singer is just around the corner. But that’s tough with a distracting pink-haired girl occupying his every waking thought.

Skyler and Grey have every reason to resist each other. But, like a song neither of them can get out of their minds, they have no choice but to go where the music takes them.

► I often joke with my friends on here about ratings and what they mean. The fact is, I can ponder and ponder my opinion but eventually, there’s no such thing as an objective review, whether you are a professional or a random reviewer like me. That’s why, even though I know that many readers customize the meaning of their ratings (and that’s great), I don’t do that. I follow Goodreads’ “default settings” : if I didn’t like a book, well, it’ll be a 1. Of course I pay attention at my peeves and there are objective aspects that will bring me on the train wreck road – but in the end, it remains my enjoyment and my perception. Similarly, even flawed, a book that offers me more and that stands out from other books in the same genre can completely get a 5. Bounce belongs to this category in my opinion.

True Fact : Every time I start a New Adult romance I’m scared to death of what I might find. Fortunately Bounce didn’t let me down.

✘ What I was afraid to get : Jealousy disguised as friendship.
✔ What I got : Girl friendship well-developed with real interactions.

The women here are real friends : they are happy for the others success, but sometimes they don’t know how to react to sub-mentioned success. It was so relatable to me, I couldn’t help but feel their struggles and their fears. Look, to become a teacher in France you have to pass a contest and well, as always with a contest, everybody isn’t chosen, no matter how good everybody is. When I passed that exam, some of my friends passed as well and some of them didn’t. Frankly, it was maybe one of the most uncomfortable situation of my life. How can you express your disappointment for a friend with the right words when you succeed where he didn’t? It’s extremely difficult. In Bounce Mia, Beth and Skyler are facing this kind of situations and it was handled with care and honesty. I loved that, and every aspect of their friendship warmed my heart.

✘ What I was afraid to get : Girl hate
✔ What I got : No slut-shaming. At all. NOT AN HINT OF IT. From anyone, women and men as well.

✘ What I was afraid to get : Overabundance of angst, and dramatic (useless) twists
✔ What I got : Several NA clichés but rather discreet : they both have family problems, but we never enter the “I’m the most UNLUCKY person of the world” (see Kat’s review of Boomerang about this, she summed it up perfectly). Here are two persons who are searching for what they want to do with their lives, and discover each other along the way.

✘ What I was afraid to get : An older controlling dude whose experience will, somehow ~~don’t ask me~~ ‘fix’ the heroine
✔ What I got : First, the guy is younger! Yes, it is refreshing. So, Grey. Apart from the fact that I don’t understand how Noelle August could choose this name (I mean, COME ON!) I have to admit that I really REALLY enjoyed his character. Yes, he’s immature, and annoying, and impulsive (never ever violent, though). To sum up : he’s kind of a mess. But all his actions just rang so… true. He was believable, and frankly? His inner monologues made me laugh my ass off. Yep. I admit. I don’t know what that says about me, though.

“Over on the kitchen island, heaps of liquor bottles, beer cans, Solo cups, and – what the hell is that? A person? Okay.”

Actually, I wrote on a status that he was cliché-ish but hey, anything can happen I guess (I know, shut up) because I have to say, I was wrong.

Seriously – He’s way more than this tattooed musician stereotype : He’s raw and passionate and just fucking lost – but so, so endearing, thoughtful, and sweet. I know what you think : yeah, right. As always. Tough dude sweet inside. Candy-ish. Nope. That’s not it. The fact is, I was judgmental. I assumed that since he was tattooed and a musician he will be like any other ‘player’ character ( who I can’t stand – or barely – or really, rarely). He wasn’t. Just go meet him, because the way his character develops was wonderful.

✘ What I was afraid to get : A perfect and pure and virginal (of course!) heroine
✔ What I got : Skyler isn’t over-confident but strong-minded : she knows that she needs to do to help her family but she has no idea how to do it – her doubts and hesitations were never annoying but on the contrary I could always understand her and I cared for her. So you know : I liked the girl.

✘ What I was afraid to get : Instalove and all that crap
✔ What I got : Insta-(off the charts)chemistry, and the slow built up of a friendship that will gradually turn into something more. It’s been a very, very long time since I genuinely rooted for a couple like that in New Adult. They learn to be there for each other, to talk, to accept their flaws and… actually, Skyler said it better than I could ever do :

“It’s not that he makes me strong or whole. It’s that with him, I remember how strong and whole I am.”

Oh, and as it seems to be the day I’m breaking rules, there’s a sort of love-triangle. Never ever bothered me, because Grey and Skyler share a friendship at the time and that’s just GREAT. You know, let’s be buds? (that’s not me who said that. That’s Grey. Yes, he knows it sounds ridiculous. Give him a break. He was recording. Kind of.)

► So, this is it. Even though I have 1,000,000 things to add (music! Grey’s friends! Etc!), I guess I’ll let you discover for yourself. But this book? That’s what I need to find : not perfection, not necessarily originality, but honesty, real feelings, not to mention that huge smile plastered on my face. Yeah, there’s that too.

“I’m smiling so big, I want to punch myself.”

*arc kindly provided by HarperCollins through Edelweiss*

BOOK REVIEW: Turn to Me (Kathleen Turner #2) by Tiffany Snow

July 17, 2015 / Chelsea / 0 Comments

Turn to Me (Kathleen Turner #2)
by Tiffany Snow
Purchase on: Amazon
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:
When Kathleen Turner, office runner for the prestigious Indianapolis law firm of Kirk & Trent, started dating the boss she knew the risks. Senior Partner Blane Kirk is known for being a notorious player - the Baskin Robbins of dating with a different flavor every month. Kathleen is the happiest she’s been in a long time, especially as Christmas approaches, but she’s always known there was a termination date on her relationship with Blane.

She just didn’t expect that termination to be her funeral.

A festive afternoon of Christmas tree shopping turns life-threatening when Kathleen and Blane become targets for an unknown gunman. They make it home alive, but Kathleen realizes her boyfriend has been keeping secrets. The deadly kind.

Blane’s current case is drawing heated debate and stirring the pot of public fury. Kathleen is horrified by the threats – and worse – being directed at him. A former Navy SEAL stands accused of the wrongful death of an American citizen during a military operation overseas. The case has far-reaching political and military implications. Someone with a lot of money, and even more clout, wants Blane to lose.

As dead bodies of people connected to the defense start piling up, it becomes painfully obvious that disappearing witnesses and altered testimony are no longer enough for whoever is intent on guaranteeing the SEAL gets convicted. Kathleen and Kade, Blane’s brother and ex-FBI-agent-turned-assassin-for-hire, are on the trail of the killer.

Unfortunately for Kathleen, he’s already moved for the end-game – by painting a target on her...and pulling the trigger.

“Someone watched us have sex?” I asked in disbelief, my voice a high screech that I immediately regretted as my head throbbed. I felt violated and humiliated. What sick pervert would do that?
“I don’t think you’re focusing on the important part,” Blane said, his voice flat. “Someone tried to kill you.”

Gahd, these books will be the end of me. I mean…there are just so many wonderful things and ideas, but then for every wonderful thing or idea there’s a retarded counterpart you just can’t help but to scoff at-and then it totally ruins EVERYTHING. So then why, you must be asking, would I choose to continue to book three? And my answer would be…

I have No. Fucking. Idea.

But then like most of my harebrained ideas, I never make much sense. I’m sure y’all are used to it by now, right? Welp, if not, get used to it. This series has 5 books-I’ve read two-and I still am all over the place on my feels. I’ve always tried to not be a total fickle piece of work, but some series just bring out your inner brat, ya know?

“I lied, you know,” he said casually.
My hand froze and my entire body went still beneath his.
“I did look.”

Speaking of brats…no, no I’m just kidding. But really….Kathleen is a total brat. How many times, for real, HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES must someone ask you to Just. Stay. Put?!

“Stay, Kathleen. Stay! Good girl, Kat. Good girl. You’re a good girl, aren’t you widdle, Kathleen? Who’s a good girl? Stay, Kat. Just…stay. Okay, I’m leaving now so why don’t you just totally disobey my wishes for you to live past the night and go start investigating this highly dangerous case?? Aw. That’s my girl. But really…stay.”

I mean….someone is stalking your ass and you choose to disobey not only your own personal protector, Kade, and your damned boyfriend, Blane…..but your own personal sense of preservation!!!! Why would you choose to walk out the door when you damn well know that you’ve found cigarette butts from your stalker outside your apartment???

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Bet you don’t see me,
But I can see you.

And oh man, guys, I am not naïve-I realize people make stupid mistakes and I know that I read books to escape reality, but when does unbelievability during Every. Damn. Scene. become too much? Well that’s subjective, ain’t it? So I’ll just tell you when enough is enough for me-When you almost:

-Get mugged
-Sliced and diced
-Shot at (more than once, I might add)
-Abducted

and omg that’s just off the top of my head!!! I swear to god this totally happened more than once:

I. Swear. To. God. And it’s so fucking funny, honestly, I’m sitting here giggling like a loser because the sickest damn part is that I am actually STILL thinking about this stupid, infuriating, annoying book because in a deep, deep, deep, dark and even darker place…I love this series. Kind of. Maybe?? God I don’t even know!!! I read it, I roll my eyes, and then I long to read more about Kade after I put it down. I long to see Blane and he go head to head for her-for what fucking reason, I’ve no clue-She’s just….ugh!!!!! This chick WORKS that nine lives shit. I mean, something is ALWAYS happening to this clumsy bitch!!

“Enough,” he ordered.
“Fuck you,” I snarled.
His lips twitched at my defiance. He moved his face even nearer to mine, our lips inches apart.
“You feel that?” he nearly whispered, his voice low and intent. “You feel that rage inside? Burning hot in the pit of your stomach?”
Confused, I hesitantly nodded. What was he doing?
“That’s what’s going to keep you alive,” he said. “Hold on to it. Fear will only sign your death warrant. Stay mad, princess.”

And don’t even get me started on the writing-‘I walked to my car. I saw that a window was cracked so I assumed that I had left it open. I gently cracked open the door and peered inside-I wanted to be sure I was right and that my stalker hadn’t been in my car. It looked safe.’ Dudes….I wrote that myself, but I swear on my life that is what the writing is like (SOMETIMES). When we are stuck in her head for extended periods of time, it’s all ‘I I I I I’ and it breaks down everything. But when we actually have a conversation going with Kade or Blane? It’s perfection. I mean, okay, it’s cheesy as fuck, but that’s beside the point. Those parts are actually interesting.

“Protecting Blane,” I said softly, a rueful smile on my lips. “You’re a good brother, Kade.”
He studied me for a moment before murmuring, “I don’t know if that’s true anymore.”

Hmmm…but while we’re on the dialogue subject? Cheese. Total cheese. And with the boys, it’s the best kind of cheese. I would totally snort it like Chester the cheetah does with his Cheetos. But then other times? Pick a cheese, any cheese-Swiss, Gouda, American, Bleu (should the cheeses be capitalized? Errr)…oh, and is there a motherfucking cheating cheese? Because there is certainly some, ahem, cheating cheese in this one-Oops.

Perhaps I am biased, but I knew who I liked in book one. Yes, my girls had me already thinking of the dark knight before I even started-The boy who seems to always be there for in the shadows. Shhh. Don’t judge, just love, accept.

”Sometimes knights wear black.”

And I guess part of my anger with this series is that I didn’t get why 90% of my friends loved Mr. K over beautiful B. Like…why? But now I see why everyone began to switch-if they weren’t already leaning that way already. And it makes me sad because how fucking manipulative-I don’t know. I just don’t. I love both dudes and they are clearly the only reason I’m reading this series (duh). But don’t insult my intelligence-if I hadn’t known who she ended up with already, I sure as shit would have figured it out with this one. How manipulative.

And the tree farm. Okay, I’ll admit it-I’m an Indiana chick and omg it is SO badass that they went to my tree farm! We go EVERY YEAR. But then…hmm….did I mention that…like…nothing was right? Lmao, how in the hell did that bitch get lost? No, for real, come on-How did she get lost in the woods? WHAT WOODS?! Oh gosh, just…no, I’ll stop there-it was ALL wrong. Don’t even get me started.

I smiled tiredly. “You have to tell him ‘Go toodles, Bits. Go toodles for Momma,’” I said, pitching my voice high in imitation. “Or else he won’t go.”
-I mean…I just. I can’t even.

So yeah. I love the boys. I love the sexy. I love the turmoil. I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be reading it. I do enjoy it-but at times it becomes too much. I love it in bits and pieces (namely, every time the boys are involved). It makes me happy, for whatever GD reason. I do think people could love this. My friends do. Hell, I even do for most parts (Kathleen notwithstanding). In the end? It’s:

Manipulative, moronic, and utterly pushy on who we should love…..

And I’m starting book three next week.

The irony isn’t lost on me.

Shut up.

AGH. THAT FELT GOOOOOD (To quote Dale in Horrible Bosses…)

*********************************

Soooooo yeah. Here we are. Again I am sucked in by Kade and Blane and their tsunami like love for Kathleen (which I STILL don’t get, by the way). And it’s still just as unbelievable and hilarious in it’s attempts to be clever. Yet..I will go on >.< lol

Sigh. Review to come tomorrow 😀

BOOK REVIEW – The Holders (Holders #1) by Julianna Scott

July 17, 2015 / Anna

The Holders (Holders #1)
by Julianna Scott
Purchase on: Amazon, iBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:
17-year-old Becca spent her whole life protecting her brother from, well, everything. The abandonment of their father, the so called 'experts' who insist that voices in his head are unnatural and must be dealt with, and the constant threat of being taken away to some hospital and studied like an animal. When two representatives appear claiming to have the answers to Ryland's perceived problem, Becca doesn't buy it for one second. That is until they seem to know things about Ryland and about Becca and Ryland's family, that forces Becca to concede that there may be more to these people than meets the eye. Though still highly skeptical, Becca agrees to do what's best for Ryland.

What they find at St. Brigid's is a world beyond their imagination. Little by little they piece together the information of their family's heritage, their estranged Father, and the legend of the Holder race that decrees Ryland is the one they've been waiting for. However, they are all--especially Becca--in for a surprise that will change what they thought they knew about themselves and their kind.

☠ Warning : the plot is VERY similar to X-men at first but it didn’t bother me, because I get the impression that the author actually acknowledges it by several references. Secondly it’s just…. so FUN, and if some readers find that fun is cheap, I don’t : after trying a tons of books lately, I can say without doubts that fun isn’t easy to find. Moreover, there are some magical additions that appealed to me (alchemy, for example) and the great villain, Darragh, while sharing some particularities with both Magneto and Sylar from Heroes, is more complex that I imagined at first. Finally, I don’t mind inspirations of other works when it’s well-done and when the author uses them as a background to create a compelling and original story. In my opinion it was the case here, and the way the story unfolded satisfied me.

But perhaps the most important thing to consider is the fact that The Holders managed to get me involved in Rebecca and Rylan’s story at any time during my read : I was hooked from page one, and that’s something because I started almost 10 books yesterday. ~~Yes, 10! So freaking annoying~~. The writing style was compelling, and the pacing pretty fast, as there wasn’t any dull moment and I couldn’t have stopped reading for the life of me.

Sure, some of the plot twists were glaringly obvious, yet instead of spoiling my read, they made it an almost better experience because the knowing created an expectation in me that improved my read, you know? Therefore strangely, I never minded the predictability.

As for the settings, most of the story takes place in St Brigid, a special academy standing in Ireland. While I appreciated the fact that the descriptions weren’t all over the place (I never had a huge patience for that, to my literature teachers’ dismay) I have to admit that while quite atmospheric at times it never reached the level of others books set in Ireland I read. Indeed the settings aren’t the main focus here, as we don’t get to travel and wander a lot. Therefore don’t expect to be transported otherwise you would be disappointed. This being said, I remained curious along the way, eager to catch any occasion to learn something about it, so it’s almost a win for me. And to be frank, I read enough fantasy to be satisfied on that count, and this kind of book is refreshing, not to mention that everything actually makes sense (you would be surprised to see how many books TRY to create a world-building and FAIL because it’s just too confusing and messy).

As far as the characters are concerned, the only thing I can that is that I loved them because they all were very likeable and felt genuine. Indeed Becca’s voice was refreshing and believable for a 17 years-old-girl : she can be immature at times but never dumb or annoying. What defines her the most is her strong love and mean to protect her brother and her mother, and for this I loved her.

“It’s just a school,” the younger man interrupted, in what I can only imagine was his best peacekeeper voice. “I promise.”
“You promise? What are we, twelve? Next I suppose you’re going to pinky swear me that this will all be for his own good, and expect me to let you take him?”

Well, yeah, she can be kind of ill-tempered sometimes, but it’s for a good reason, I promise! ~~Pinky swear 😛~~

Alex has been designed for us to crush on him and strangely… I crushed on him. Hey, I never said I was immune to an adorable superpowered guy who can create illusions larger than life. I mean, seriously, the guy must rock on dates. Duh. Moreover, he’s loyal, caring, blushes all the time and frankly? So sweet and kind and AWW, I adore him.

Concerning the romance, I realize how easy it would be for me to take all the information at once and shows something else entirely. The truth is, if some aspects are part of what I usually don’t like in romances, here it worked. In my opinion here lies the talent of an author : when the peeves we can see in a book feel so right that we don’t care nonetheless. How could I bother about objective complains if in my heart I wouldn’t have wanted the story to be different? It would be so unfair of me – I won’t.

First Becca’s instant-crush on Alex, which could have been extremely annoying, strangely wasn’t because she kept it in check, let’s say. She’s well aware that she isn’t supposed to daydream about him and frankly, her take on the situation was refreshing. Yes, she has a crush. So what? Who never had? ~~I might had a crush on him too~~ As soon as it never morphs her in a somewhat pathetic and dumb heroine, but she stays focused on her goals, how can I complain? And as I already said, the guy is charming, and as we get to see their relationship growing from friendship to… something else, I didn’t mind.

Hey, guess what? It even contains a plot twist I never like View Spoiler » but I was so engrossed in their relationship that I didn’t care and shipped them hard nonetheless.

Finally, as I said earlier, this story also deals with family bounds and friendship. First of all, I absolutely adored the heart-warming relationship between Becca and her brother : it’s when I read books like this that I realize how much I have changed these past few years. When I was a teenager and my early 20s, I wasn’t a kid person – like, at all. They annoyed me, and I didn’t get all the fuss was about them, frankly. And then, well, I became a teacher, and most of my daily interactions are with children. What did I realize? That I liked talking with kids – that they were often more open-minded than the adults around us and that we underestimated grandly what they could understand. Therefore while I would have hated the addition of the little brother some years ago, I have to admit that today, I loved it, even more because in my opinion he talked like a 10 years old and not as if he was 5 (yes, because unfortunately that happens often in books)

Moreover, the friendship between Becca, Chloe, and really, all the side characters we meet was adorable and smile inducing : It won’t surprise you to know that I love when my heroines care about their family and have actual friends. Because in the end, what this story says us is that even though you’re different, there are people out there who care about you and who love you for who you really are – it can seem cheesy, but in our cynical world, sometimes it’s good to remember it, don’t you think?

► To sum up, The Holders came as a surprise as it kept me enthralled until the very end. Does it really deserve 4.5 stars? I don’t know. Do I care? Nope, because it got me out of my reading slump and for this I’m really, really grateful.

Above that, contrary to many series I read lately, I won’t be able to wait before starting the sequel : that says it all, doesn’t it?

BOOK REVIEW – What You Left Behind by Jessica Verdi

July 15, 2015 / Anna

What You Left Behind by Jessica Verdi
Purchase on: Amazon, iBooks
Add to: Goodreads

Synopsis:
It’s all Ryden’s fault. If he hadn’t gotten Meg pregnant, she would have never stopped her chemo treatments and would still be alive. Instead, he’s failing fatherhood one dirty diaper at a time. And it’s not like he’s had time to grieve while struggling to care for their infant daughter, start his senior year, and earn the soccer scholarship he needs to go to college.

The one person who makes Ryden feel like his old self is Joni. She’s fun and energetic—and doesn’t know he has a baby. But the more time they spend together, the harder it becomes to keep his two worlds separate. Finding one of Meg’s journals only stirs up old emotions, and Ryden’s convinced Meg left other notebooks for him to find, some message to help his new life make sense. But how is he going to have a future if he can’t let go of the past?

“Why don’t I ever seem to know what the right thing is? I hate you, brain.”

Warning: It’s been really, really difficult for me to gather my thoughts about this book and I put a lot of me in this review, because I needed this personal insight to express what worked and didn’t work for me in Ryden’s story. Please feel free to disagree with my opinions.

What You Left Behind was such a realistic, infuriating and heartbreaking young-adult story – I loved what I think the author was trying to say but I didn’t enjoy the story.

✔ First of all, I loved that the issues weren’t sugared, even if I can see how people will maybe feel uncomfortable with it : it deals with abortion, raising a child alone, loss and family bounds. I loved how realistic and daring it was : daring because sometimes I get the impression that authors don’t dare to talk about this kind of subjects because they are, by essence, dividing people, especially in America (forgive me for this possible simplification : it’s only how I perceive your public debate, because we just don’t have this kind of debate in France – not on that level anyway).

Jessica Verdi has the guts to offer us a different kind of story, and for that, I’m grateful. Sometimes life is more complicated than right or wrong. It’s my personal opinion, so take it or leave it, but I will never think that there is a right or a wrong answer when it comes to abortion. To me it’s a matter of personal choice, and I will never deny the right to abort. And if there isn’t any abortion here (obviously, because Ryden is a single father), yes, they thought about it. Yes, I understand why. Yes, for me this book is asking the right questions. Ryden is such a believable and realistic character : oh, no, he doesn’t grow up right away, and the choices he makes are sometimes messed-up. Now, do you really think that people are always able to change in a heartbeat, at seventeen? I don’t. So, yeah, even though he annoyed the crap out of me sometimes (more on this later), even though I wanted to shake him, I understood and cared for him at the beginning – until I didn’t anymore.

What you need to know is that Meg’s pregnancy killed her, and that she knew it was meant to happen. So, yeah, Ryden is mad and resentful – he still is, even though his daughter is here. So if you feel it could be a too big issue for you, don’t read it, because Ryden is realistic and don’t act like he’s been touched by grace because he became a father. He’s immature, SELFISH, heartbroken, somewhat delusional, and does mistake after mistake.

► I certainly didn’t agree with all the choices Ryden made, especially when it comes to his little daughter.

OMG you can’t possibly imagine the number of times I wanted to YELL at him TO GO TAKE CARE OF HIS DAUGHTER DAMMIT!!

He infuriated me. He maddened me. You want to know the truth? Call me a cold-hearted bitch, but in the end, I kind of hated him.

But the fact is, I didn’t need to agree with him, because it’s not my story : It’s Ryden’s, and I accepted it as such. Here’s a real coming of age story, where the main character evolves. Here’s a character I can say, without doubt, that his flaws are fucking REALISTIC.

✘ Sadly, I didn’t care about the romance.

Let’s get this straight : if some readers found weird and even shocking that Ryden was able to fall in love with another girl seven months after his loss, I didn’t, and that’s not WHY I didn’t like the romance.

I didn’t find it shocking because I lived it. And like I’ve said to these judgmental people nearly seven years ago : don’t try to understand how an heart can react, because you can’t. Trust life.

This book is about closure, the one we don’t always seek but that we need to move on, and when Ryden read Meg’s journal it’s what it felt like to me : searching closure, getting ripped of the stupid guilt we feel when we’re the “survivor”. I always wondered if people realized how much they keep the guilt alive when they act as if it was abnormal, coldhearted to start a new relationship after a loss. Trust me, we’re already well aware of the hidden rules that say that you can’t be in an healthy relationship less than a year after a loss. Oh, of course, people don’t openly say that you can’t be in a relationship. Nah. People say that it’s for the best, that they’re worried about you and your possible confusion (that people think that we can just mistake a love for another is beyond me).

But the truth is, they don’t know shit. That’s why I absolutely ADORED that Francesca Verdi dared to deal with such a secretly sensitive subject as love after loss, and yes, I wanted to ship Ryden and Joni hard. On this, I’m on the life team. Always and forever.

However, as much as I wanted to care about their relationship, sadly, the romance didn’t work for me, mostly for 2 reasons :

1) We don’t quite get enough Joni time to care about her as a character and in my opinion their love-story is only sketched here and stays on a superficial level.
2) The lying : It took way too much time to Ryden to tell the truth, and I didn’t like the fact that their whole relationship was built around a LIE. And what lie! She doesn’t even know that he has a daughter during most of the book! Of course it induced unnecessary drama, and I have a thing : I loathe unnecessary drama, especially when it’s created by miscommunications. It drives me crazy.

✘ But what leads me to give this rating is the fact that I didn’t enjoy my read. Trust me, I can handle infuriating and even evil characters (Jorg! I love you!) and the darkest parts of the human mind don’t scare me (in books. They don’t scare me in books) but I need to find a balance to enjoy a book, whether it’s humor or endearment and I never managed to do this here. Oh, yes, I felt many emotions, I have to give it that : Anger, despair, sadness, annoyance, oh and did I say anger? Yeah? The only moments I felt something else where the passages with Ryden’s mother (who rocks) and when Ryden was taking care of his daughter (so rare).

► I have to take into account that it took me ages to finish it, since I couldn’t stop putting it on hold. I almost always read books in a day or two, so, yeah, not my usual reaction here. The truth is, I always got a feeling of uneasiness when I tried to resume it and it disturbed me. No, scratch that : I WAS SO FUCKING MAD IT HURT. Because REALLY? The day-care scene? It destroyed me. I tried and tried and tried and tried to find the empathy in me to understand Ryden’s reactions and on some level I could, but putain de bordel de merde. There’s a moment guy you have to GROW THE FUCK UP. It’s hard, it hurts like hell, but you have to. I couldn’t stop picturing all these kiddos in the room crying and how he relied on everyone to take HIS responsibilities and – I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I had to stop. Again. Until I took the time to finish it and then, frankly? I hated the last 30%. I hated everything that went downhill, and at this point I was so much pissed that I hated the resolutions too. It was too late for me.

Of course what made me lost it is a spoiler (because I’m lucky like that) so I can’t talk about it here – the only thing I can say, and it’s my honest and strong opinion, is this : YES, sometimes to have a child is SELFISH. I don’t live in a fairytale. I see children who are neglected every day. They suffer from it.

View Spoiler »

► So, RATING?

A 3 stars rating would have meant that I liked it. I didn’t, not really, and in the end I felt depressed and angry. But then, I’m still able to acknowledge the risks Jessica Verdi took, and Ryden’s voice was really realistic, so, yeah, 2.5 it is, for now.